Parental Espionage
by Karan0617
Summary: Having to lie low after Shadow Moses, Snake moves to Florida. After a simple comment from Otacon, he decides to adopt three young girls. A collection of stories on Snake being a new father to three girls with some unusual talents! Please review
1. Snake Has an Idea

Author's note: Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing! Also, check out my dA page for more stories (same as my user name) and the co-writer's for art relating to the story (TMNL). Rated T for language and possible happenings in the future.

I don't own Metal Gear sadly.

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Snake Has an Idea

"Sir, you can't come in here with all of those guns!"

"What? Why not?"

"Sir, there are children here!"

"Well duh, it's an orphanage. What did you expect?"

The two glared at each other. The one against the second amendment was the lady who ran the orphanage. She was a short and stout woman who strongly resembled a teapot now that her face was turning red with anger. The man who had his hands in the only pockets on his khaki cargo pants that held no weapons was a certain Solid Snake. He was on a mission and he wasn't going to let some second amendment hater get in his way. Ignoring the anti-second amendment lady Snake proceeded to exit the reception area and into the child holding cell.

"Sir, I'm serious. You can't come in here. Guns are dangerous." The woman blocked the doorway with her body; soon the two were engaged in some sort of tug-of-war and neither of them was winning.

If you're wondering why Snake is trying to force his way past this woman, into an orphanage, let's go back a couple of hours when Snake was lounging on his couch watching Austin Powers with his friend(?) Otacon. It's quite a simple story actually:

It was their weekly movie night. While Snake would rather be shooting the birds that dared poop on his armored Hummer, the only way to get Otacon to shut up was to give in to certain demands, one of them being a movie night. After weeks of watching Japanimation (as Otacon called "anime"), Snake couldn't take it anymore and decided to take charge. So, on that particular trip to Block Buster, Otacon was locked in the Hummer (that's right, locked in the car) and Snake went in and rented the Austin Powers movies.

They were watching the second one, munching on Snake's popcorn stash, when Otacon suddenly asked, "Hey Snake, have you ever wanted a Mini-Me?" It was then that the idea was lodged into the agent's mind. Without wasting a moment he leapt up, pulling Otacon with him and put him to work. The two cleaned out a room that was filled with a wide assortment of weapons including guns, grenades, rocket launchers, and various pointy objects like swords, daggers, knives, and sharp sticks.

Once the room was cleared, Snake left Otacon to fend for himself and jumped into his Hummer, driving over to the orphanage a few miles in town. When he got there, he hadn't expected a demonic teapot lady to try and keep him out. And that's where we are now.

"Let go of my shirt!" Back at the orphanage, Snake was gripping the door frame to the holding cell and trying to pull himself inside. The lady had worn heels that day and they were digging into the carpet, making it exceedingly difficult to pull free. It was then that it dawned on the woman that this man was carrying _at least _three different kinds of guns, and who knew what else in those pockets. So she quickly let go, falling backwards while Snake stumbled forward.

Not bothering to help her up, Snake pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and surveyed the room: there were children everywhere, ranging from toddlers to teenagers. Many were in groups with others around their own age reading, talking, playing with toys, or various other activities. They all looked like okay kids, but they didn't have exactly what he was looking for. _Ah, what do we have here? _he thought. There were three girls that caught his attention. They were sitting together around a game console, yelling at one another. None of them looked remotely similar, except for the fact that they all seemed to be maybe eleven or twelve years old. The other children nearby had weird, frightened looks on their faces.

They were fighting over a controller, arguing about whose turn it was. A smirk on his face, Snake strode over and plucked the controller out of one of their hands. "What's all the commotion about?" he asked coolly, a puff of smoke trailing out his lips.

The three girls jumped at his sudden appearance, but mentioning the fight brought them out of their surprised states.

"Andi doesn't want to let me play, _even though she's tried to beat this boss fifteen times!_" said one. She had long, waist-length dark hair in a ponytail, short bangs, and tan skin. "She's been playing all day, and I already know that I can beat this boss, but--"

"I haven't tried fifteen times, more like five! I bet you can't even get his health bar down half way!" The black girl was speaking now, the one who had been holding the controller. Her black hair was also in a ponytail, but shorter than the first's and with long bangs. Snake guessed this was Andi. "You played all day yesterday anyway!"

"Guh, whatever!"

"Gaaah!"

"Guuuuh!"

"Gaaaaaaah!"

"Shut up!" Snake finally lost his cool and glared. They girls seemed taken aback by his outburst.

"Fine, whatever, you can play now Sam." Andi handed over the controller grudgingly. Sam took it and began playing where Andi had left off. Snake felt a sort of accomplishment at ending their little fight, and momentarily forgot why he was here in the first place. But then he remembered his mission and decided to push on.

Taking a deep draw on his cig, he said, "_Anyway,_ I was looking to adopt today and you two seem to have what I was looking for."

"What about Laura?" asked the girl with the tan skin.

"Who?"

"Laura." She looked to the third girl. She had blonde hair, worn down, and wore glasses. She just sat there and stared, too shy to say anything.

Snake blinked in mild surprise. "When did she get here?"

"She's been here the whole time."

"Really." He began to take another puff when Mrs. 'anti-second amendment lady' came up and snatched the cigarette out his mouth.

Flicking it into a trash bin when she was sure it was out, she said quietly, "That's enough, sir. Please leave."

"I want them," he answered as though nothing had happened.

"I don't think--"

"I want them," he repeated, pointing to Andi and the tan girl. He smiled a little, thinking of all the training and battles that would come out of this.

"We won't go without Laura." This snapped him out of his daydream.

"Who?"

"_Laura_." The two were getting a little annoyed and dragged her name out. "We just showed her to you." They again pointed to the blonde girl.

Snake took a long look then said, "I don't remember meeting her... But fine. I'll take all three." He directed the comment as though he was checking out at a store.

"Wait," Andi said, "don't you have to go through the whole adoption process. It takes a really long time! You can't just--"

"You sound exactly like Otacon; I don't need any papers or crap to deal with. I should be able to just pick one and go. Now, come on." The girls shared a look before nodding. Without much else spoken he led the girls out and they piled into the giant Hummer.

Starting down the road, Snake said, "So, what were your names again?"

"Samantha, but everyone calls me Sam," answered the tan girl first. "I'm twelve."

"I'm Andrea, but I like to be called Andi!" She gave Sam a weird look and added, "I'm eleven."

"I'm Laura... I'm eleven too..." Laura answered quietly, slowly getting over her shyness.

"Holy crap!" Snake slammed on his brakes, causing much chaos behind him, and turned sharply to look in the backseat. "How did you get in my car?!"

"What are talking about?!" Andi demanded, recovering from the jolsting she had just received. "She's been here the whole time!" Snake stared at her for a moment, grumbled something, and returned to driving.

"Hey Dad--"

"It's, uh, Snake."

"...Dad, I was wondering," Sam started, settling back into her seat, "Where exactly do you live?

"Not far, just outside of town." There followed an awkward silence, made worse by the fact that there was no music in the Hummer.

It was a hot summer day in Florida, the sky almost clear of clouds. There were many tourists walking around and crossing the street, which just aggravated Snake. Too many tourists. He never had to deal with this in Alaska. He was driving towards Bed, Bath and Beyond- not the manliest store around, but at least he'd get what he needed- and he wanted to get there as fast as possible so he could go home and kick Otacon out. Who knew what that creepy cosplayer was doing. He got a flash back of that horrible Peter Pan thing picture and shuddered.

By the time the foursome got to the store, the sun was getting lower. Snake pulled into the parking lot, taking at least three spots despite parking straight, and had them get out. After a brief moment of confusion about Laura, they were inside.

The girls squealed happily and took off to explore the store, Snake half-heartedly calling, "Don't kill yourselves," as he went for the beds. As he made his way down the aisle Snake paused for a second, the feeling of being watched heavy on his mind. At last he stopped and took a look around. Nothing. Just women and their candles. But his soldier intuition was telling him something was up.

Continuing on, Snake kept down the aisle, trying to catch whatever it was that was following him. Suddenly he was surrounded by the smell of mint, unbearably so, and he whipped around. Behind him was an employee. He was tall and lanky with a huge grin, reminding Snake of a horse. He wore large square glasses to frame his huge brown eyes, and he was bald save for a tiny bit on the top of his head; there was a toothbrush and pens tucked behind his ear. It was quite a sight.

"Er..."

"Wait, don't say it. 'Man is Confused; Stares,' end quote." The employee pulled a pen from his shirt pocket and began to scribble fiercely on his arm.

Snake was taken aback by the bluntness and tried to skirt away without success. The employee grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously. "Nice to meet ya. Name's Spark Brushell, reporter, turned sales man. 'Court Case Ends Promising Career,' end quote. What can I do for ya?"

It took much effort to pry his hand away, but the new father managed. "Beds," he growled, wiping his hand on the pillows he was by, somehow making it seem as though he was just seeing how soft they were. It was a very complex action. "Just tell me which direction to head and I'll manage..."

Spark threw his arm across Snake's shoulders and led the poor guy down the aisle babbling away. "I think I got just the bed for you. 'New Bed, Easily Supports Two,' end quote," here he winked, "One of our top sellers to newlyweds--"

"Children's beds," Snake said hurriedly and irritably, pushing the sales man away. "I just adopted two girls and they need beds." It then occurred to him that that sounded kind of creepy, considering the fact there was no wife standing next to him.

"Well, why didn't you say so?" Spark again put his arm around Snake and continued on. "By the way, we're having a a great sale on fuzzy massagers. 50% off, great colors."

Snake took a quick glance around and in one swift movement had Mr. Brushell against the wall. "Listen buddy. It's late, I'm irritated, and I have some creep in my house I need to kick out. Now either point me in the right direction or show me quietly."

Brushell nodded and slid back onto the tiled floor. This customer reminded him of Zak, and that was scary. He glanced back at the man; he had pulled a cigarette out of nowhere and had it lit already, puffing away. Brushell began to raise an objection, caught himself, and continued on.

It only took a few minutes to reach the correct department, now that Brushell had shut up. He stood a few feet away as Snake browsed the isles, tense and ready to flee.

Snake had his own problems though. As he looked at the bed sets, he realized he knew nothing about these girls, except that they must like video games. What were girls into? He scanned the shelves, at a loss. He passed many things that were pink, flowery, lacey, My Little Pony themed, and just a mix of bright colors. But he didn't feel it was right. But maybe that was just because he was a man who had never spoken to a young girl before today.

"Brushell." He had said the name so unexpectedly, and so menacingly, Spark jumped in surprise and slinked over still debating weither to run for it or wait it out. He was beginning to lean toward the running for it idea. Snake pointed to a set. "Two of these Barbie sets, and two day beds." He stopped, sure he was forgetting something. "Make it three beds and that Sailor Moon set with the two Barbie ones." He couldn't believe he was even uttering such names as Barbie, but seeing Brushell scuttle off in fear brought his mood back up once more.

Snake took another drag of his cigarette, waiting rather patiently for Brushell to return. He was too deep in thought about what he had just done. He closed his eyes, leaning on the shelf... and something glass smashed to pieces next to him. Without thinking Snake rolled away Matrix-style, pulled out his Socom from nowhere, and aimed it down the empty isle. He stood slowly, then finally put his gun away after he was sure no one was trying to get him. But that left the question of where the glass object had come from. He looked up and, seeing nothing, exited the isle and looked up again. That was when he saw a figure on top a shelf, a pile of random objects at her side. He squinted, confused, until he saw it was actually Samantha. Swearing, Snake rushed toward her section of the store.

Meanwhile, Sam was having great fun throwing objects she had collected at people. She usually hit them too. Giggling, she picked up a bar of soap and looked for her next victim. This victim happened to be a passing elderly woman on her way to the curtains. Amazed management hadn't come out yet, the young girl cocked her arm, aimed, and threw the Sea Breeze scented bar at the lady. The bar soared through the air perfectly, nailing the grandma and sending her stumbling, where she then slipped on the soap and landed on the ground with a mighty thud. This sent her into another fit of giggles.

"Samantha! What the hell are you doing up there?" Snake had finally reached the scene and eyed the downed woman. Impressive, he had to admit. Then again, it was an old lady, so it's not like it was really a moving target. Snake looked back up at Sam who was jumping up to run. She leapt across the gap in shelves and took off, sprinting. Snake was a veteran when it came to things like this. He quickly scaled the shelf, knocking salt and pepper shakers to the floor. He silently wondered how she got up there in the first place as he chased her across the store. Sam took a left when she came to the curtains and Snake was able to corner her before long. He grabbed her before she could get down and threw her over his shoulder.

"You're no fun!" whined Snake's captive, pouting. Snake just rolled his eyes. By now management had taken notice and employees were rushing out to see what was going on. Many stopped in shock at the sight.

After many complaints, Snake gave in and let Samantha ride on his back piggy-back style. As he planned on how to get down, the girl suddenly tapped his head and said, "Look at Laura!" Not quite sure what she was talking about, Snake followed the direction of her pointed finger. Laura was in the kitchen section, surrounded by spices and mixing utencils. She had mixed some weird concoction and was happily spreading it on the silver ware.

Swearing again, he sprinted over shelves toward the almost forgotten daughter. Sam was laughing in delight in the ride, which made Snake contemplate dropping her off the shelf. "Laura, what are you doing?" she called, climbing off her new father's back and standing on the edge of the shelf while he caught his breath. Laura looked up at her and smiled.

"Remember when we blew up all those Barbies at the orphanage? I made more of the explosives! Check it out!" The girl whipped a box of matches out of her pocket, and Snake nearly had a heart attack as she struck it, mostly because she had said Barbie and he had just bought those sheets, and because those matches were supposed to have been hidden in the car. Sam just "ooo"ed and sat with her feet swinging off the side. Laura brought the match to the concoction before Snake could stop her and a small explosion sent the silverware flying. Snake, Sam, and Laura expertly ducked out of the way, but the innocent bystanders weren't so experienced. A man screamed as a fork impaled his leg, and one woman fell to the ground as a spoon smacked her in the face. Laura and Sam laughed, as Snake frantically stomped out the small fire the explosion had caused. Who knew someone could do that with spices? When he was sure it was completely out, he grabbed the two girls by their arms and dragged them away from the commotion. He had to find Andi before she could start causing trouble, but he had no idea where she would be. Before he could come up with any ideas, the intercom crackled to life, and a woman's voice came on.

"We have a situation up front, can the parent of this ten year old _please_ come to the-" The woman's voice was interrupted and it sounded like someone was grabbing at the phone. _That couldn't be... _he thought.

"I'm eleven! And I told you not to call him!" Yep, that was Andi's voice.

"Young lady, we can't let you-,"

"Give it back!"

"Ow! Stop-,"

"Wait, is this going over the speakers?"

"Yes, now-,"

"Crud wombats!"

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Hang up the phone!"

"I-." The click of the phone hanging up sounded throughout the store. Snake let out a heavy sigh and started to make his way to the front, still dragging Sam and Laura with him. He looked around for any sign of trouble, and spotted a group of employees gathered around an office door. Before he could ask what was going on, the door burst open, and Andi came sprinting out, cackling maniacally.

"Someone stop her!" It was the same woman who was on the intercom. She had just come out of the same office Andi had been in, and it looked like they had been physically fighting. Snake turned to Sam and Laura.

"You two, go pick out bed sheets and stay in that aisle. Don't do anything stupid!" And with that, he shoved many employees out of his way, and took off after Andi. The intercom came on again, the same woman speaking.

"Attention, shoppers. A small eleven year old girl with long black hair in a ponytail has just stolen half a million dollars from our bank accounts. If you see her, call an employee with her location. Thank you, that is all." Snake almost stopped in his tracks. Sam had been throwing objects at people with amazing accuracy, Laura had made a decent explosive out of common kitchen spices, and Andi had hacked into a franchise's national bank account and stolen half a million dollars. An idea began to form in his head, but, first, he had to catch Andi. He could start scheming later.

He chased after her, and eventually cornered her in the kitchen appliances aisle. She was brandishing a wooden spoon and a toaster, but Snake was able to swat the toaster down and wrestle the spoon away from her. He grabbed her before she could make another break for it.

"Argh, put me down! This is child abuse! I have the right to do what I want! This is America!!!!"

"Just shut up." Snake dragged her towards the bedding aisle, looking for Sam and Laura. That's when she broke out into song.

"'F' is for friends who do stuff together! 'U' is for 'u' and me!!! 'N' is for 'N'ywhere and anytime at all, down here in the deep blue sea!!" If Snake had known kids were this much trouble, he would've given this decision more thought. As it was, he had already basically kidnapped them, and he wasn't one to give up on a mission, no matter how unbelievably loud the singing was. Hearing Andi's song, Sam and Laura joined in as though it was some code to find each other.

When he found the other two heathens, they had already picked out bed sets. Sam's was X-men themed with wolverine taking up the whole comforter, and Laura's had some sort of World of Warcraft thing with the horde symbol. Snake set Andi down, and she immediately ran to one with Spider-man on it. Were girls supposed to love this stuff?

Noticing, but not really caring, that Brushell had not returned, Snake herded the chittering girls to the check-out counters. The cashier looked wary of Andi, but the small child was too busy boasting about Spider Man to try and hack into another computer system. "I'm gonna need those three day beds brought out to my Hummer," he said as he gave her the money. Still a bit shaken, the woman nodded slowly and took the money, putting out a call for three beds. Snake hurriedly led the girls out the store before the cops could arrive, getting them into the Hummer without too much trouble. Andi and Samantha were too busy arguing over whether Wolverine or Spider Man was better to get in any more trouble.

By the time they got back on the road the sun was barely showing over the water. Sadly, this was when all the crazy college kids came out, and the Hummer had to crawl back to the house. The children had quieted and were busy looking out the windows in moderate interest; they had never been in this part of the city, and they were excited to see the house. What they weren't expecting was the fact the 'house' was, put in simple terms, a fort. Actually, the entire neighborhood was filled with forts.

Snake slid out the car and onto the concrete driveway, some annoyance that had been on his face all day ebbing away now that he was home. Then he remembered Otacon and the scowl returned. He moved toward the back of the car, stopping when he realized the girls hadn't come out yet. He backed up, opening the door on Andi's side. "What are you doing?"

"This is our house?" she asked, clutching her bed set tightly. It was a bit intimidating to them all. It was huge, two stories, a dark green, and looked to be built out of metal. The windows seemed really out of place sitting innocently in completely appropriate places. They looked around. Every other house looked exactly the same, except for small differences like the number of windows or what shade of dark-green it was. They only spotted a few that weren't green at all.

They looked at their new father with questioning looks; Snake just rubbed the back of his neck, turning away and trying to figure out how he was going to explain his life to the three. It's not like he'd be able to keep it secret, after all. It's not like he _planned_ to keep it a secret. His mind was still working from the incident in the store. Once all three were crowded around him he showed them to the door. The security system Otacon had installed required an annoying amount of features set to allow only a select few in; hand print scan, retina scan, DNA analysis from a strand of hair, and of course a breath test-- for all they knew, none of their enemies smoked as much as Snake did, if they smoked at all. He gave them a quick warning to not try opening the door until he had them registered in the system's data banks and led them inside, flicking the hall's light switch up. He frowned. Unless Otacon had left, the lights should still be on. He jiggled with the switch again when the lights didn't come on. They refused to turn on. He looked up. The light bulbs were still there, and they weren't that old. He had changed them not too long ago.

Suddenly they heard someone call, "Dave, is that you?" Again the girls cast a questioning look, but Snake was just as confused as they. He knew it was Otacon by the sound of his voice, but the tone of his voice said he knew it was Snake, and he still didn't know what was up with the lights. Otacon never turned off all the lights. His mind instantly switched to soldier mode and he pulled out his Socom, motioning for the girls to stay behind him. He crept along the hallway with his gun pointed forward, heading for the kitchen. His thought process was that someone had managed to break in, took Otacon as hostage and was baiting him to do who-knows-what.

Snake turned the corner to find Otacon lighting a candle on the table he had decorated. But what really caught his attention was the fact the guy wasn't wearing anything but an apron that said, 'You can conquer my Metal Gear ;D'. He was shocked into silence, in which time Otacon had seen him.

"Oh, Dave, I was just--"

"AHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHH!"

"OUR VIRGIN EYES!"

"Otacon!"

"Snake--"

"Dad!!"

"Dad?!"

"Girls--"

"Girls!?!"

"Go put on some damn clothes Otacon!"

"But Snake--"

"DAMNIT OTACON I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T GO PUT ON SOME CLOTHES RIGHT NOW--"

"Eeek!" Otacon scurried off to go retrieve his clothing as Samantha and Laura clutched Snake's legs, sobbing uncontrollably. Andi seemed oddly unaffected now that the initial shock had passed. After a moment, Samantha and Laura managed to calm down. Snake was still seething with anger.

"Hey, Dad."

"What."

"Are you gay?" Another moment, then Snake turned around and slapped Andi across the face. "OW. What was that for?!"

"I'm not gay. You will never ask or say or imply that I am again." He stormed off with the three following closely behind, Andi holding her cheek and pouting. Usually they wouldn't, because he seemed a bit scary now, but they were more afraid of running into Otacon. Snake led them to the second floor and opened a door that led into an 'oh my freakin' god' big room. There were three beds against one wall, leaving the rest of the space vacant. The girls gaped at the three beds.

"How'd you get the beds in here?!"

Snake smirked. "Does a duck with one leg swim in circles?"

They blinked in confusion. Sam opened and closed her mouth a few times before one word managed to come out, "What?"

"Does a penguin wear mittens?"

"What are you--"

"WELP, gotta go kick a nerd out the house. I'll see you girls in the morning." They continued to stare blankly as their new father gave a short wave and closed the door after him.

Now that it was quiet, Snake was able to let his mind go over everything that had happened that day. He must have been insane to even consider adopting, but by some incredible chance he had found these girls with unusual skills. He hurried down the stairs, through the first floor and to the basement where he knew Otacon would be. As he expected, the tech head was in the final stages of restoring all the power to the house, fully dressed to Snake's relief.

Otacon gave a little squeak as Snake approached, and for a minute there he was sure the soldier was going to beat him into the ground. But he apparently changed his mind at the last minute and said, "Hurry up and finish. I've got something to tell you," and went back upstairs.

Snake sat at the kitchen table for only a few more minutes before the lights flickered on and Otacon sulked in, still unsure of what to do. "Otacon, you're not going to believe this." By the sound of his voice, Otacon knew it wasn't about what happened earlier and sat down, lacing his fingers together in all seriousness. "Those girls have... unusual talents."

"Like what?"

"Well, Samantha, the dark-haired one-- she's got some of the best accuracy I've seen, at least for a child. And Laura, the blonde-- she made an explosive out of common ingredients I could pull out the cabinet right now."

"Are you serious?"

"That's not all. Andi, the black one-- she hacked into the computer network of Bed, Bath and Beyond and half a million dollars. And all of this happened within minutes."

Otacon pushed up his glasses, wondering how such young children could do this. "Have they had any training?"

"I don't think so."

"Amazing." They sat there in silence for a long time, letting the information mull over in their minds. "Snake, you aren't thinking..."

"They've got the skills, Otacon. And with me now being their father, they'll learn about my job sooner or later, and enemies will be after them. We might as well build upon what they can already do, if only for their own protection." He didn't mention the fact that missions would be so much easier with help. "Think about it. Let me show you to the door."

The two walked to it and Otacon stepped out into the night.

"And another thing." He stopped and turned to see Snake pulling out a cigarette and glaring daggers. "If you ever do something like what you did earlier, especially in front of the girls, I'm going to kill you." He gave a final threatening look then slammed the door shut.


	2. School Registration

Hey guys, sorry for the delay. Sadly, both my co-writer and I are easily distracted and/or lazy, but we finally sat down and finished it after pestering each other. Enjoy, and remember to visit our dA accounts for more author comments and art relating to the story :3

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School Registration

Snake sat at the kitchen table, glaring at the pieces of paper that were lying in front of him. A pen was nearby, waiting to be picked up and fulfill its duty in life, but Snake made no move to do so. Instead he continued to stare at the papers, as though by sheer force of will alone they would be filled out. The papers in question were forms to transfer his daughters to a new school; even though he planned to teach them certain skills himself, God knows Snake wouldn't last a day with all three of them home all the time. His patience was running out. Despite it having only been a few days since he had brought them home, he thought he was going crazy. He was sure somebody was about to die if it kept up; not his self, of course, or his daughters, but somebody.

Finally he sighed and picked up the pen, much to the pen's delight. _Well, might as well get this over with. _It wasn't so much the filling out of the papers that made him so pensive; it was _what _he had to put on the papers. And let's face it, Snake knew jack squat about school systems, young girls, and parenting. What joy. He took the first of the three papers and wrote _SAMANTHA _where it asked for a first name. He then stopped, letting the pen hover over where it asked for a last name. Well, crap. He should have thought about this. Snake didn't have a real last name, and even if he did he wouldn't use it. Someone could track him down. He couldn't use the girls' own last names either, because that would raise suspicion. 'Why does this man have three daughters with different last names?' they'd ask. And while he could tell them they were, in fact, adopted, that would be too easy.

He grunted and scrawled _PLISKIN _after her name. Eh, it would work for now. He moved on, writing '12' in the age slot, then 'June 17, 1993' in the birthday. Lastly he wrote '6' in the grade slot. He put it aside and took the next two: _LAURA PLISKIN. AGE: _11. _BIRTHDAY: _June28, 1994. _GRADE: _5. _ANDREA PLISKIN. AGE: _11_. BIRTHDAY: _May 27_, _1994_. GRADE: _5_. _Snake put them back into a pile and picked up the pin once more. It was then that he heard the padding of bare feet on tiled floor and looked up to find his daughters crowding around the table. "Oh, good. I was just about to call you down."

"What are you doing?" Andi asked as they moved behind their father and looked over his shoulder. He tried to shuffle the papers away but Sam snatched hers up and skipped a few steps away, reading as she did so.

"He's filling out school forms!" They all started screaming about how they didn't want to school. Snake rubbed his temples, suppressing the urge to kill.

When they finally started to quiet down, he explained, "Look, you can't be home all the time."

"How come we always gotta be so secretive?" demanded Andi. "We haven't been able to go outside and play without you standing there with us, and you're always looking over your shoulder or jumping around corners 'cause you 'think you heard something.' And you won't even let us explore our own home!"

"I'll explain everything soon, but for now, you need to go to school."

"You put the wrong grade in for me." Sam was waving her paper around with a frown on her face. "I'm in 5th grade too."

"What?" Snake opened the folder he had Otacon assemble, which contained all the girls' info. He pulled out Samantha's papers and skimmed over them. She was right. "Why? Did you fail a grade or something? Are you stupid?"

"No!" They were still becoming accustomed to their father's candid way of speaking, and Sam pulled back hurt. "You know those tests they do to see if you're ready for school? I was too shy to do anything they told me to do so they stuck me in DK. I've just had an extra year of school is all..."

"Oh." Snake snatched the paper back with a mild look that suggested he might be glad he didn't have an idiot daughter. The three sort of pouted and pulled up chairs to sit at the table as well.

"What kind of name is Plisken?"

"Have you ever seen _Escape from New York_?" He took the blank expressions as a definite 'no'. "To the TV. Now."

"Are we gonna watch a movie?" Andi exclaimed excitedly, "I'll get the popcorn!" She raced for the kitchen and the sound of the microwave turning on reached their ears. Sam and Laura quickly made their way to the living room, and Snake set up the movie. Andi came in with the popcorn soon after. The opening scene came on and the four were quickly sucked in to the crappy movie.

* * *

The movie was just at its climax when the doorbell rang. Snake growled out a few obscenities and paused the movie, much to the girls' dismay. He got up and made his way to the front door, yanking it open to find Otacon standing with a frown on his face.

"What?" Snake folded his arms over his chest, looking quite perturbed.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Otacon asked angrily. Snake thought back to the last conversation they had. Nope, he couldn't remember a thing. It obviously could not be more important than educating his new children on the importance of _Escape to New York_. "The conference with the school's principal was scheduled to begin forty-five minutes ago! What the heck have you been doing Snake?" Snake opened and closed his mouth, finding nothing to say. Now that he mentioned it, he did remember Otacon maybe mentioning something about meeting with the school. That was why he had finally started filling out those forms in the first place.

"Oh yeah. Well, we can't go now. We're in the middle of something."

"What are you doing that can't wait?"

"_Escape to New York._" Snake felt that needed no further explanation. Otacon stared at him, almost not believing what he had just heard.

"You can't be serious." He leaned to see past Snake and called out to the girls, "Hey, do you guys wanna go for ice cream?" The girls were up and into the car faster than Snake had ever seen children move. He sighed at how easily swayed they were from watching what must've been one of the greatest films of all time, so easily that they would get into a car with a man who not two days ago was standing naked in their kitchen. Giving up rather quickly, he locked the front door behind him and made his way to the hummer.

He strolled over to where Laura was trying to fasten her seatbelt. "Hey now, you girls need to get dressed first."

"Oh yeah!" They were out the car just as fast as they had entered. Five minutes later, they sprinted back into the car, dressed and ready to go. The drive seemed much longer than it actually was thanks to the girls singing the campfire song song at an extremely high volume, and that Snake dropped Otacon off back at his house rather forcefully. When Snake finally pulled into the school parking lot, he picked a spot near the front doors (okay, more like three spots since the hummer's so freaking huge). When they slid out and saw where they were, they again crowded around their father yelling about how he lied to them and they didn't want to go to school. It took all of Snake's will power not to slap them all across the face, and instead he led them inside.

The school was very large, with three stories and who knew how far back it stretched. The outside walls were a light tan while the roof was a darker green. The inside consisted of warmer colors, soft brown wood, and the walls a red. The lights were dimmer than in most buildings, giving the foyer a cozy feel. Snake could feel the money in his wallet burning away as he led the now murmuring girls into the main office. They entered, where a small triangle-shaped woman met them with a broad smile. "Hi! Welcome to Patriots' Private School! How can I help you?"

"Yeah, my friend set me up an appointment with the principal here."

"Who was the friend?"

"Hal Emmerich."

"Hmm, I don't see him..."

"Try 'Otacon'."

The triangle lady tapped a few things on the keyboard, and then flashed Snake another smile. "Fill out these forms please. Alright, you can have a seat. The principal will see you in a moment."

Snake led his herd to the maroon waiting chairs, where he gladly sat down. Sam took the chair to his immediate left, then Laura, then Andi. Soon Sam and Andi were yelling at each other over Laura, who was glancing between the two uncertainly. She knew they weren't mad at each other (their volume just steadily grew) but she never understood why they wouldn't just sit by one another. Snake took a survey of the room; triangle lady had begun reading some chick magazine and there was a creepy looking cat clock ticking away on the wall. Two men and a woman were sitting in waiting chairs near them: the woman had on a casual yellow summer dress and had light brown hair; one man was wearing an orange jacket and a stupid happy expression on his face, and the second with black hair in a t-shirt and jeans. His attention was brought back to the girls when he heard some smacking sounds; Sam and Andi had gotten into one of those slap fights. Laura was sinking down farther in her chair to not get hit. Snake sighed internally.

"What are you fighting about?"

"We're not fighting!" they answered together. "We're debating!"

"Ohhh my god." Snake grabbed his eldest daughter by her waist and easily picked up the now flailing girl and placed her in front of him. "Please, a moment of peace." He took out his wallet and handed her three dollars. "You three go find a vending machine or something. And please be quiet."

"YAAAAAY!" All three of them skipped out the room cheering, letting him relax a little.

"Kids, huh?" The normal looking guy had moved into the chair on Snake's right. He chuckled "We had to send our boys out for making a racket too. Now that I think about it, they've been gone for a while..."

* * *

"GET ME A GIANT KIT-KAT!"

"I WANT SOME PEANUT M&M'S!"

"Okay, okay!" At some point Sam had transferred the money over to Laura, because she was the only one who could really reach all the buttons, and now the other two were crowded around her pushing each other to try and get their candy first.

Once they all got their choice candies, they started back towards the main office. "Why don't we look around?" Andi jumped in front the other two so they wouldn't go in the door. "Didn't you see how big this place is? If Dad's making us come here, might as well know where everything is."

"You are so right." They giggled and snuck by the door. Luckily their dad was distracted by the other men and they went undetected, giving them free reign of the school.

* * *

"-and with my husband having been a defense attorney, Miles has learned so much more than his peers. He needed to be moved to a school more fitting to his level," said the sole woman, who had introduced herself as Madison Edgeworth, with a note of pride. "He wants to join the law career, you know."

"I'm bringing Larry here to see if he might actually learn something," said the man in the orange jacket, a Gary Butz. "Or that's what his mother says. I think he was doing just fine myself." Snake grumbled something. If Larry was anything like his dad, he didn't hold much hope for the kid. He looked to the last guy, who had said his name was Nicholas Wright. "So what's your story?"

"Oh, nothing fancy. Just wanted to give Phoenix a better education." He shrugged like it was no big deal. Snake got the impression he was a very laid back father. They all turned to him, waiting for his reasons. Fortunately, the principal walked out her office just then. She was a tall, younger woman with long, blonde hair tied into a ponytail that fell to her lower back. She wore an average dark blue woman's suit, with a skirt that stopped at her knees and a long sleeve shirt and matching heels. She looked over the papers on her clipboard and said in a business-y tone, "Mr. Plisken?" Snake was up before she had even finished his name and was eagerly following her into the office. He hadn't counted on the principal being so, well... hot. And considering the women who lived around this area (Anti-Second Amendment Lady, Triangle Lady, Old-Lady-Hit-With-Soap Lady) he wasn't about to let this one go. Besides, his three growing girls needed a womanly influence, right? Otacon just wasn't going to quite cut it.

He sat in the chair that the principal gestured to as she sat in her own on the other side of the desk. She raised her eyebrow a bit at him until Snake asked, "What?"

"What was all that clinking?"

"Oh. Those were just my guns."

Now both her eyebrows shot up. "Mr. Plisken, you do understand this is a school, right?"

"Yeah."

She sighed when he didn't give any further explanation, but didn't seem too bothered about it. That surprised him. "Anyway... I'm Samus Aran, principal of Patriots' Private School. I went over your girls' files and backgrounds, and while I think they're fine kids, I don't think they're Patriot material."

"What? Why not?"

"Well, their grades are ok, but I think their personalities might cause a distraction to the other students. And I don't think you've been giving them a great influence if you're carrying guns around-"

"You got a nice butt."

There was a moment of silence, where Samus's face turned to one of confusion and shock while Snake just stared at her with the same expression he always had. "Oh, my. Well, maybe we can work something out."

* * *

"This place is sooo big!" The three girls had finished their candy and were wandering the halls, peeking into classrooms and looking out windows. They had seen some smaller sports equipment set up along the sides of the school, like playgrounds for the younger kids, and volleyball poles and ultimate Frisbee goals out in the fields. They could only imagine what was behind the school. They chatted about their new life, and how much they hated school, and how strange Dad and his friends were.

"Guys, I don't think this is a good idea." The three stopped as a young boy's voice drifted toward them. "We must be breaking a million rules right now. And unlike you, I would rather not be kicked out of school!" Therein followed some muffled responses the girls couldn't quite catch. Andi spun around and said, "Hey, let's go see what they're doing!" Instantly Laura hid behind Sam, and Sam's face turned into a stony death glare. Neither one of them were good at meeting new people. They just showed it in different ways. Andi rolled her eyes and dragged them along down the hall and around the corner.

Standing in front of the boy's bathroom was a young boy, like they had thought. He had short grey/silver hair that stood up funny in the front. He wore a child's suit with a little bow tie, which made the girls giggle. He looked kinda stupid. He had his arms crossed and was glaring at the door impatiently, occasionally tapping his foot.

"Hey, if you gotta pee just walk in!" The boy jumped and turned around looking appalled at Andi's blunt statement.

"I-I don't have to use the bathroom!"

"Then why are you standing outside of the door?"

"Two idiots are in there right now trying to be expelled. Who are you?"

"Oh, I'm Andi and this is Sam and Laura," she said pointing to the other girls respectively. She glanced back to see Sam glaring determinedly at the boy's face with a light blush staining her cheeks. "What's your name?"

"I'm Miles."

"Okay, well let's go." Andi made to move past him into the bathroom.

"W-Wait, you can't go into the boy's bathroom!"

"Yes I can. Watch me!" She walked in and motioned for them to follow. Laura looked apprehensively up at the 'BOYS' sign on the wall and Sam dragged her along. They walked in to find two boys crowded together into a stall laughing gleefully as they watched the toilet paper spin off of the roll and disappear down the toilet. "Hey!"

They yelped in surprise and quickly slammed the stall door, turning to face the three girls. "Hey hey hey, you can't be in here!" said the boy with spiky black hair. "This is the _boy's room. _No. Girls. Allowed!" Next to him was the other kid, who had blonde-ish hair and wore a dirty wife beater and shorts. He was nodding in agreement. "You'll get your cooties everywhere!"

"Seriously? How old are you?" asked Andi in retort, placing her hands on her hips. The black haired kid shuffled around a bit, unsure what to say. "What are you guys doing anyway?"

"Nothing any girls need to know about." The two boys high-fived and snickered. Andi frowned and pulled Sam forward, who unleashed her glare upon her unsuspecting victims. They whimpered and clutched each other in fright.

"You better tell us what you're doing or- ew, what's all over the floor?" The five of them looked down to see water pooling from the stalls the boys had hit. Andi instantly screamed and fled from the room, past a confused looking Miles and down the hallway back towards the office, yelling, "Oh God help me! I can't swim! Oh God it's going to kill me!" Before he could look to see what was going on, Sam and Laura came running out too.

"Wait, Andi!"

"It's just a puddle!" Completely confused, Miles once more turned to investigate only to be knocked out of the way by his friends as they chased after the girls yelling that it wasn't their fault.

* * *

Snake flashed his smirk that said "Yes I am the sexiest thing you have ever seen" as Samus handed him the rather thick rule book as well as various forms he would have to sign. He reached into his pocket to pull out his pen. "I hope you aren't drawing one of your guns," said Samus.

"Don't worry. Unless you _want_ to see my guns..."

"Maybe I do." At that moment 5 different voices screamed 'DAD!' and Snake felt a vein burst in his head. Andi flew into the room and somehow managed to teleport (she must have because he had no idea how she got there) onto Snake's lap, where she buried her face in his shirt and continued to scream about how she was going to drown. As his other two daughters ran in, Snake could only think about how the mood had been sucked out the room. Damn kids.

"What could possibly be the problem now?" he asked, prying Andi's face out his now soaked shirt. He made it a point to turn in just a way that he could face his children and show Samus his muscles. They all began speaking at once, and soon the other parents and their kids were in the office as well trying to talk over everyone.

Snake could feel another vein getting ready to burst when Samus stood abruptly and yelled for everyone to shut up. They did. She gave a stern look to everyone then turned to Andi. "Now, please explain what happened."

Andi sniffled and looked at Samus timidly. "Well, we were looking around, and we saw that kid standing in front of the boy's room," she began, pointing at Miles. His eyes grew huge and he said defensively, "I wasn't doing anything-!" but Samus gave him a look that made him shut his mouth.

"And we went in to see what was going on, and those two were flushing toilet paper down the toilet!" She now pointed to the other two boys who shuffled around again. "And then they flooded the bathroom and tried to drown meeee!" She began sobbing into her father's shirt again as Samus turned her attention to the boys.

"Well?"

"I tried to stop them!" Miles wasn't going to be made a fool. The truth had to be revealed, after all. "I told them they were breaking the rules, and it was childish, and they would certainly be expelled for doing such crimes!"

"Miles, you're like, the worst friend ever!" accused the blonde haired boy.

"Now now Larry, that's not nice." Gary patted his son's head and said to Samus, "Don't worry ma'am, we'll pay for the damages."

Samus ran her fingers through her bangs and blew out some air to try and focus again. "It's fine. Don't worry about it. If you would all please go wait in the lobby..." The other three parents ushered their kids out, scolding quietly to each. "Mr. Plisken, I'll have to ask you to look those over and fill them out at home, and then you can fax them in or drop them off when you have the chance. I need to survey the damage and finish up before the day is over. Try to get them in before school starts."

"Yeah yeah." He stood up and hiked Andi up so she could sit on his shoulder. The other two grumbled about how they didn't get a special ride and filed out the room.

"Oh, and Mr. Plisken. If you have any... questions, feel free to call me." Samus scribbled on one of the forms and handed it to Snake before he left. The soldier did a silent victory fist-pump in his mind. Oh, he was _so _getting laid at some point. He couldn't help but feel a little guilty after the thought though. He was feeling some weird emotion he had never really felt before. Oh well, he'd ask Otacon about it later.

"Sure thing, _Ms. _Aran," he said with a sly wink that again said he was the sexiest thing on the planet. He once more led everyone through the lobby and foyer to the parking lot, and then into that giant ass Hummer. Once everyone was buckled up, Snake looked at the kids through the rear-view mirror. "Alright you three, that was the last straw. You start training tomorrow."

"Training?" they asked, puzzled.

Snake backed out the school parking lot and began driving home. "Yes, training. No kids of mine are going to not be battle ready." He looked up to see them staring with panicky expressions. "Hey, I said I'd explain things, but you've brought it on yourselves. I was going to let you have a few more days to get used to things, but you can forget that." They all glanced at one another. He must be crazy. "Tomorrow. Five AM. I'll explain why when we get home."

He pulled out a cigarette and happily began puffing away on it. God knows he needed one after the day's events. Serves those kids right for ruining his chances on doing it with the principal right in her office.


	3. Torture

A/N: Here you are guys, the long awaited Chapter 3! Both Andi and I have been busy with school, but we finally sat down one night and finished this. I hope you all don't mind that the chapters are seemingly shorter and shorter.

Also, before reading this, I suggest you look up 'Snake Sells Out' on YouTube and watch the first one. A certain part of the chapter will make more sense if you do xD

* * *

"Get your lazy asses out of bed and down stairs!" Andi, Laura and Sam, who had all been sleeping peacefully in their beds for the past eight hours, were quite rudely awakened by their father, who had kicked the door open and began yelling at them. They all jumped in surprise and flew up, wide awake. Snake was in the room looking even more serious than he usually did, watching and waiting for them to get a move on.

All three groaned, and once they saw what time it was, they started to whine about how stupid it was that he had woken them up at 5 AM. Snake, in response, just stood there until they quieted down. He then said, "Be in the training room in no less than five minutes."

"We have a training room?" asked Sam, looking a little confused. "Where is it?"

"Find out by yourself." Snake backed out the room, saying after him, "Five minutes!"

The three girls stood around awkwardly, not quite sure what to do. Eventually they drifted to the closet and tried to dress accordingly. If only they knew what they were dressing for. They decided on jeans and plain T shirts; Sam in a green, Laura in a blue, and Andi in an orange. Truth be told, they didn't want to ruin their good clothes with whatever their father was about to make them do.

Then they began to sprint through the house, trying to find anything that resembled a training room. They weren't too far in when, "ATTACK FROM ABOVE!" was yelled, and they all screamed and dodged as Snake began pelting them with water balloons. He eventually ran out and, having chased his children around the whole first floor, began to assess them. Andi was relatively fine (breathing a little harder, but fine), while Laura and Sam were pretty much passed out on the floor. He shook his head in disappointment. He'd have to make them work on that.

"Hey, what was in those balloons?" Andi asked, sniffing her sleeve. It wasn't a very pleasant odor.

"Nothing you need to know about." Snake smiled a bit at the horrified expressions the three gained and hoisted the two near-dead daughters to their feet. "Sit down, I'm going to explain some things." He led them to the kitchen and then went to the pantry, where he pulled out some Regain energy drinks. He set them in front of the girls. "Drink up."

The three hesitantly took the bottles and gulped it down. Suddenly, Sam leapt up and screamed, "ALL HAIL THE DARK LORD SATAN!" followed by the other two cheering, "YAY SATAN!"

Satisfied, Snake sat down across the now twitching girls.  
"Now that that's taken care of, listen up. I'm sure you're wondering why the hell I'm making-,"  
"SATAN!"

"SHUT UP." Snake put a hand on Sam's head, shoving her back into her chair. "Look, this is very important. You need to know that I'm a secret agent for the U.S. government."  
"You mean, like the FBI and stuff? Awesome!" The three girls high fived each other.  
"...Yes, something like that. Anyway, with my line of work, your lives will be in danger. Something I over looked when I adopted you... So, you will be trained to handle any given situation."

Snake began to get back out of his chair when Andi stopped him: "Wait! Shouldn't you like, describe your job to us or something?"  
"I would if I could."  
"But if we're going to be a part of it, shouldn't we know-"  
"No, you don't get it. It's impossible to describe. You have to experience it to get it."

Doubtful, the girls followed their father toward the back of the house, where they hadn't really explored yet. He led them into a large room that was full of exercise equipment that looked impossible to use. Sam and Laura could feel a little bit of them die on the inside.

"This is where you'll be doing general workouts," Snake explained as though it were a tour. "You will work out in the morning, before school, and at night, before bed. On the weekends Otacon and I will train you on more specific things. And at anytime you could be asked to do anything."

"What does that mean?"  
"You'll see." He led them to the back of the room where there was another door. He pulled out a key and unlocked it, allowing the four into the backyard... Well, they assumed it was a backyard. It looked more like a military training area, with an obstacle course and shooting targets set up.

"Why are we out here?" asked Andi as Snake opened a safe that was on the side of the house.

He pulled out many different kinds of guns before answering, "My job involves a lot of shooting. I'm going to see just how good you are with a gun." He finally settled on a small pistol, waving it around rather dangerously. "Let's see how you handle a small fire arm first."

He lined the girls up in front of three different targets, so they each had their own. "Master the target and we'll move on to the human shaped ones."  
"Awesome!" The three high fived again.

Snake handed the gun to Andi first. He was glad to see she at least knew how to hold it. She aimed and fired off all the rounds; most hit the target with only a couple missing and going into the neighbor's yard. She jumped around in excitement as Snake took the gun back, reloaded it, and handed it to Laura. She seemed to know how to use it as well. The agent turned around to get more ammo when a bullet suddenly shot past his head, taking a bit of hair with it. He spun around and saw Laura still standing with the gun pointed at the target and Andi and Sam standing in shocked confusion. "How the hell did you do that?"  
"I don't know..."

"Jeez..." Snake snatched the gun back and reloaded it for a second time, handing it off to Sam. He was most interested in her; after seeing how accurate she was in Bed, Bath and Beyond he was sure she was a natural when it came to guns, or anything relating to aim really. Seemingly reading his mind, Sam raised and fired the gun without much aiming time and went right through the middle. Andi and Laura 'ooo'ed in amazement while their father stood there with his mouth hanging open in surprise.

He had been right. That didn't happen too often.

Sam went through the rest of the shots, hitting the same place over and over. Snake continued to pull out different kinds of guns to test them with. Andi was decent, and Sam never missed. Meanwhile, Laura had yet to hit the target once. That would be a problem.

"Alright, let's see how you are with this." Snake picked out the AK-47 he had found on his recent Shadow Moses adventure, loading it and handing it to Andi. "Try to hit those human-shaped targets lined up. And be careful with that gun." The thing had saved him so many times on that mission he had a special fondness for it.

Andi fiddled with the gun for a while, trying to find the right way to hold it and aim at the same time. By the time she had fired it, the targets were basically non-existent. She had fired so randomly the targets had been utterly destroyed. Snake took the gun back and reloaded it, satisfied that any enemy going after Andi wouldn't last long. He then handed it right to Sam, leaving Laura in the corner with a sad face. He wouldn't trust her with this kind of gun, ever.  
Sam hefted it up, struggling a bit as her sister had done in trying to hold it right. Eventually, though, she managed to shoot all the targets, only mounting Snake's amazement.

"How did you get all head shots with a semi-automatic _without missing the targets once?" _  
"I dunno, I just-" Suddenly Sam gasped, dropping the gun and staring at the last target. The shot hadn't been a perfect head-shot. Without warning she screamed and ran inside sobbing. Snake was too shocked to be angry that she had dropped one of his favorite guns.

"What was that?" asked Laura, scooting closer to Andi.  
"I dunno. She missed her perfect shot then went crazy."  
"I've never seen her do that before."  
"Yeah that was kinda weird."

"Alright, alright." Snake interrupted them, gathering his gun together and placing back in the safe. "Andi, help Laura learn to shoot. I'll go check on your sister." He turned toward the door when a bullet went flying past his side. 'Damnit Laura!"

"Ugh, I don't have time for this." Laura shoved the gun into Andi's hands then pulled something that looked like clay out her pocket. Without any explanation she chunked it at the target; within moments it had exploded.

"What was that?"  
"A variant of C-4."  
"Where did you find that?"  
"Find? I made that. What do you think I do at night?"

"Sleep?" Snake waved her off, walking into the house. "Okay, you know what? Never mind. I'll deal with this later." He was going to have to watch out for Laura. If she was carrying random explosives on her person, who knew what could go wrong? He pondered it until he reached the kitchen, where he saw some chairs had been knocked down and the table pushed aside. He could only assume Sam had run into the table, tripped over the chairs, kicked the chairs in annoyance, then kept going. Now that he wasn't focused on Laura's potential danger, he realized the house was eerily quiet. Shouldn't there be a screaming girl running around somewhere?

It was then that he heard a thud come from upstairs. He climbed the stairs and headed down the hallway toward the bathroom when he heard another one. "Samantha, are you in there?" Silence. "Samantha, I know you're in there."

"Uh, can you call Principal Aran?"  
Snake furrowed his brows in confusion. "Why would I do that? You haven't even started school yet."  
"Can you please just do it?"  
"Not until you tell me why."  
"...I'd rather tell Ms. Aran."

Now he was getting frustrated. "Look, I'm not going to call your principal for no reason. What are you doing in there anyway?"  
"I'm not telling you!"  
"Alright, open the door-"  
"NO!" Something was thrown against the door, and Snake couldn't open it.  
"Are you using your body to block the door?"  
"Just call her!"  
"Open the door!"  
"NO!" Now she was holding the knob so he couldn't even attempt to open it.  
"Don't make me force the door down!"  
"Just call her!"

Snake huffed in annoyance. It seemed like he was going to have to force his way into the bathroom. Which meant replacing the door. What a waste in time and energy. And money. Damn kids. He braced himself, turning sideways and aiming below the door knob. By now Sam was yelling something about not kicking down the door, but he wasn't listening. The door was out in one kick (after all, it was just a common wood door) and the next thing Snake knew, both he and Sam began screaming.

"Did you hear that?" Laura and Andi dropped what they were doing as the cries reached their ears. "What's going on in there?"  
"Come on!"

Meanwhile, next door, Ocelot was polishing his revolver when he heard Snake's screams of horror. He was immediately interested, giggling in pleasure. He _loved_ hearing him scream.  
"OH GOD THERE'S BLOOD _EVERYWHERE!"_  
"Oh Lordy, I think I just jizzed in my pants," gasped Ocelot as he fanned himself. "I have to get over there." If there was one thing he loved more than Snake's screams, it was Snake screaming about blood.

"What happened?" Andi and Laura came sprinting up the stairs and to the bathroom, which Sam had abandoned and fled to another one while Snake stood there paralyzed. Andi grabbed his arm and tried to shake him. "Dad, what happened?"  
"I've seen blood before but... It was everywhere and there was no wound and... and..."  
"Uh oh. He's gone into shock."  
"What's he talking about?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Andi leaned in to whisper like it was a taboo. "Sam started her period."  
"Her period..?"  
"Her period?" Snake snapped out of it once he had an explanation.  
"We're going to need some tampons."  
"I don't keep tampons in the house!"  
"Well what about pads-"  
"Why would I keep pads in the house?"  
"Because you adopted girls! Did you not think it through?"

"There are a lot of things I didn't think through when adopting you." They all jumped slightly when they heard a knock on the door; it wasn't the best time for someone to be coming over. "Ugh. Okay, Laura, go see who's here. Me and Andi will try to get your sister."  
"Okay!"

They split up and searched the house until they found Sam locked in another bathroom on the first floor. "Samantha, open the door! I will kick this one down too!"  
"NOO!"

Andi punched her father on the arm. "Stop it! You're making it worse! Besides, you obviously don't know what to do." Giving him a final glare, she knocked on the door softly. "Sam, it's Andi. Can I come in?"

There was another knock on the door down the hallways, diverting Snake's attention. "Wasn't Laura supposed to-?" He turned back around to see Andi was gone. Sam was quick about pulling her in. Sighing, he left his position in front of the door and went down the hall and to the front door. When he opened it, Otacon was standing there with his Segway. "What are you doing here?"

"That's not a very nice way to greet your best friend," answered Otacon with a pout. "Anyway, I brought you some pads." He lifted a packet of Equates from nowhere.

"Wha- How did you know we needed those?"  
"I had a feeling."  
"Why do you even have those?"  
"I keep them in the house for when my sister visits. By the way, were you shooting your guns earlier?"  
"...Nooo. Why?"  
"I was on my way over and got shot in the arm."

"That's weird..." Snake took the pads and tromped back to the bathroom, Otacon behind him nursing his wound. "Hey, I got some...uh... you know, those things you need..."

"It's not that hard to say 'pads', Dave," Otacon grumbled. Snake shot him a warning look as Andi opened the door a crack, snatched up the pack, and slammed the door again. The two men, having nothing else to do, went back to the kitchen and began to set up the table and chairs back to how they were. "So, having fun with your new family?"  
"Don't make me kill you."

"Jeez, can't even joke with you."  
"Have you seen Laura by any chance?"  
"No." Just then, Andi and Sam walked in, Sam looking much happier.  
"Where's Laura?" she asked.  
"No idea," Snake replied, "I sent her to get the door, and she hasn't come back..."  
"Ooh Snake, were you looking for this?"

"No, it can't be..!" Standing in the hallway was Ocelot, his hand on Laura's shoulder. Only now Laura was dressed differently. She was wearing his outfit from back in the 60's, when he was a major under Vulgin. Beret and everything.

"Hey Dad, you never told us we had such a cool neighbor!" She reached down to her belt and pulled out a revolver. "Look what Mr. Ocelot gave me!"

"Heheh, good luck Snake!" Ocelot pranced out the house as Laura began to spin it around like he always did. Snake, Andi and Sam yelped and ducked for cover while Otacon stood there confused.

"Hey, what's everyone- AH YOU SHOT ME IN THE LEG!"  
"So?"  
"OKAY, time for me to take that gun away from you..." Snake pried the gun out of her hands after a short struggle and handed it off to Sam. "I don't want you hanging around that man anymore. He's a creep. And a villain. He's one of the guys trying to _kill _me."

"He was nice to me," Laura said quietly, crossing her arms.  
"I don't care. Stay away from him." Grumbling, he hoisted Otacon up off the ground and over his shoulder. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to bring him to the hospital. Again."

* * *

A/N: So we learn Sam's talent, and Laura makes a new friend… How will this affect them in the future?

So who do you think was tortured the most throughout this chapter? Snake? Sam? Maybe even Ocelot?


	4. First Day

Yay next chapter! (Took long enough, yeah?) I actually wanted to get this up before Christmas, then New Year… Yeah. We got stuck until Andi was suddenly struck with an idea, and then we finished pretty quick.

Also, February is our 1 year mark of posting the first chapter of this fic.

… Argh we are so slow xD

* * *

Snake lay in his bed, fully awake and listening to the insects outside. He let the sounds sink in, enjoying every second of the calm. Finally he glanced at his clock. 4:55 AM. It was time.  
He slid out from under the sheets and pulled the Socom out from under his pillow. He sat on the edge of the bed and polished it until 4:59 exactly, at which point he moved from his room, to the hallway, and into the girls' room. They were all sleeping restfully, obviously enjoying the rest. Their father had been training them nonstop and they were exhausted. Snake smiled at the sight. He then moved to the middle of the room (now that it was 5 AM), pointed the Socom toward the roof, and fired.

The three girls screamed and fell out of their beds. "Time to get up!" said Snake, watching as they slowly picked themselves up off the floor.  
"D-did you just fire a gun _through our ceiling?" _demanded Andi.  
"Yeah."  
"Why would you- GAH!" She hit the floor again as a bullet flew past her and through the wall.  
"Get dressed, it's a big day!" Snake spun around and left the room without any other sort of explanation.

The girls grumbled to each other but shuffled around their room getting ready. Andi claimed the shower, leaving Laura standing outside the door for at least 10 minutes. Sam stood with her, having been completely dressed and ready within moments.  
"This is why I take my baths at night," she commented after a while. When Laura glared at her, she shrugged and jogged down the stairs and into the kitchen.  
Eventually the other two finished getting ready and headed downstairs as well. When they got there they saw Snake sitting at the table drinking coffee and reading the paper, and Sam poking at the egg on her plate with an annoyed look on her face. They were shocked to see she hadn't touched the bacon.

"So what was so important that you would shoot at me?" asked Andi as she started piling the various breakfast foods onto her plate.  
"Don't you know what day it is?" asked their father very nonchalantly, turning the page as though he didn't catch her aggravated tone.  
"…No." She shot him a glare. "Whatever the day is, I don't think it gives you the right- GOOD GOD WHAT IS THAT?" Andi dropped her silver-wear and stared at whatever type of meat was lying out on before them.  
"Hm?" Snake looked over the paper briefly, and then went back to reading. "Oh, it's just a rat a caught this morning."  
Laura pushed her plate away, grimacing. "You know, I'm not very hungry anymore..."  
"Same here."

"Guys, we have bigger problems." Sam finally spoke up. "It's August 18th." She waited expectantly for their reactions but ended up sighing at their blank expressions. "It's our first day of school!"  
"NOOOO!" Snake was glad he had enjoyed whatever fleeting moments of calmness he was able to this morning, because the three were once again yelling about how they didn't want to go to school. He was sure from now on his life would be even more hectic than it usually was.  
"Hey wait, something isn't right..," murmured Laura.  
"Hey yeah, she's right. School doesn't start until 8 AM!" It was obvious the three were getting incredibly frustrated. Snake could almost see the negative auras coming off of them.

"You thought that just because of school, you wouldn't be training?" He took their silence as a yes. "Well that was a stupid thought. You better eat some breakfast," he added sipping his coffee.  
The girls remained quiet for the remainder of breakfast, picking at their food and avoiding the rat at all costs. Whenever Snake looked up from his paper, all he could see was them shooting him looks of hatred. It hardly fazed him. He had seen a lot worse.

Today was all about timing. He looked at the clock over the archway that led into the living room. He stared at the second hand, and then at the minute hand. At precisely 5:30, he stood up quietly, grabbed the table cloth, and whipped it and all the food off the table. The girls again screeched in surprise, and then in anger as they were covered in the food.  
"Your reaction time sucks," he told them. "We need to work on that." He stepped over the mess and went back upstairs, calling down, "Training room!" before slamming the door to his room.  
The girls started down the hallway, trying to wipe food off their clothes. "I think Dad finally snapped," said Laura, slouching in an exhausted way. She hated getting up at 5 everyday to work out. She didn't even get to do any of the fun training because Snake didn't trust her with a gun.

"If he has, we're screwed," Sam complained, picking rat bits from her shirt.  
"I think we already are," grumbled Andi as she pushed the door open. They filed into the gym-like room with bleak looks. They were starting to hate this place.  
"What took so long?" They flinched at their father's voice, then at his sudden appearance. In fact, all they could really do was stutter and look between him and the door in utter confusion.  
"HEY, how about you stop standing around like a bunch of _Otacons _and start doing some work?" Snake barked, confusing them but effectively getting them to move. They didn't bother asking how he had gone upstairs and gotten dressed _and_ managed to beat them to the room. By now, they had learned not to ask about some of these things.

Andi scurried off on her own, going to the other side of the gym. She didn't want to be around the others. Since she was in rather good shape, Snake allowed her to make her own exercise routine. The same could not be said, however, for the other two sisters. Everyday Snake made them do some pre-planned routine which involved a lot of tears, sweat and yelling. The two were especially annoyed today because of how happy their father seemed to be. He was almost smiling as he yelled at them to keep doing push-ups.

They were in Hell for exactly one hour, at which point Snake made the three go outside where he made them run the obstacle course multiple times. When they were about to give out he took them to target practice. He had been trying to find out what it took to make Sam sloppy with her shooting, but so far she had been doing it perfect. Well, except for _that _incident.

At 7 am the girls were freed and given the hour to get ready for school. 50 minutes of this hour involved complaining and fighting over the shower again, which this time Sam was a part of. As Snake made his way through the house toward the door, the girls ran around him in a frenzy trying to get all their stuff together. He sat in the Hummer for five minutes, at which point the three jumped in and yelled at him to drive.  
"I just want to say, you three had plenty of time to get ready," Snake said as he backed out the driveway and sped down the road. Cars swerved all over the place to get out the way of the giant ass Hummer that took up just about the entire road.  
"We're girls Dad. We take a while to get ready," Andi answered, gripping the seat tightly so she wouldn't get flung around.

"You know we have more than one bathroom, right?"  
"But Sam bled all up in them!"  
"Hey, I don't want to hear any of that. We got Otacon to clean it up didn't we?"  
"Gaaahh!"

Snake rolled his eyes and spun the steering wheel, sending the Hummer hurdling around the corner and other cars off the road. None of them honked or acted irritated. They were used to it by now.  
The family arrived at the carpool lane, only to find that the Hummer was too large to fit through the gate. Samus, who had been standing there greeting the kids, hurriedly motioned for Snake to go to the parking lot. Unfortunately both sides of the carpool were now blocked, with him unable to drive forward or backwards. Traffic began to build up.

Sam, Andi and Laura jumped out the car and hurried away, already incredibly embarrassed. Snake leaned out the window and yelled, "I'll be back to get you at 2:30!" and promptly began to hit on Samus, who was beginning to look distraught.  
The girls followed the crowd of children, trying to find people who looked like they were around their age. From what they had gathered, Patriots' was a K-12 school. And the fact that they were surrounded by people of varying ages only enforced that thought.

They pulled out their schedules. The only thing they liked about the school so far was that their father had managed to get them in all the same classes. Like many others, they crowded around various maps placed on the wall. They asked teachers. They walked into the wrong class multiple times. Eventually they found their way to their English class, five minutes after the bell had rung.

They slid into the available desks in the front, because of course all the back desks had been taken, and listened as their teacher introduced herself. She was a young woman who seemed friendly enough. She handed out her list of supplies and explained her rules, and told them she was also their Social Studies teacher. As she began to go around the room and have the kids introduce themselves, the door was kicked down and Snake strode through. "Hey hotness, this is like, the fourth class room I've busted into. Are my kids here?" he asked casually.

"Sir, my name-"  
"Hotness, I know." He turned away from the teacher and quickly located Andi, Sam, and Laura, who were trying to sink into the chairs. "Finally. You two forgot something at home." From nowhere he produced a brand new Toshiba laptop, which was handed to Andi. He then conjured an MK. 17 and gave it to Sam, who looked both extremely confused and extremely happy.  
"Sir! Is that a gun?"  
"No."  
"But it-"  
"No." Without another word, Snake left the room.

Next the three went to their math class, which was also taught by a woman who would also be teaching them science. The three took desks on the side, in the middle, next to a girl who was reading what looked to be some kind of vampire book. She had long black hair, near black eyes, and wore black pants with a black shirt. Her fingernails, which were painted black, stood out against her pale skin. She screamed Goth.  
After their teacher explained everything she needed to, she gave the class free time. It was then that the girl leaned in toward them. "Hi, I'm Rose, and I'm _not _a Goth." Her hand slithered out and touched Laura's.

"..Hi Rose...," said Andi, really not sure what to think. Laura looked absolutely terrified. "I'm Andi, this is Sam, and that's Laura..."

"Nice to meet you." Her hand traveled up Laura's arm. The thing was, she didn't seem to realize she was doing it. "So, I've never seen you here before. Are you new?"

"I guess you could say that. We moved in with our new dad a while ago, and he's making us go to school here. Probably because he wants to "tap the principal", whatever that means..."

Rose nodded politely while her hand continued to molest Laura's arm. "If that's the case, you should eat lunch with me and my friends... I know they'll like you." The three grew deeply nervous at that; they saw no way of getting out of the invitation, and it wasn't that in itself that worried them. They were nervous about the kind of people Rose hung out with.

The bell rang, stopping anyone from objecting. Rose stood up, pulling Laura up with her, and she slid her arm through her's. "That's the bell for lunch~!" she said, leading Laura away. Andi and Sam gave each other quick glances before rushing after them. Students filed into the hallway along with them, cutting the two off from their sister.

"Oh no!" They got washed along with the tide of children, unable to break away in any direction. "What is she going to do to Laura?"

"Calm down Sam. We'll find her eventually." They soon found themselves being pushed into the cafeteria, where they managed to break free of the mass and stumble off to the side. Leaning against the wall to stay out of people's way, they look around in awe. The room was huge, large enough to fit their entire sixth grade class and more, which appeared to be the case. There were long tables set up in the middle, with round ones outside of those, as well as a few booths along the walls. The kitchen was set in the back and people were constantly milling around in a rush to either feed or be fed. Some children, mostly the ones who seemed to have brought their lunch, were heading outside. That's where the two started off.

"Hey, you're those two from earlier!" Two boys came running up to them holding lunch trays and looking annoyed. One had spiky black hair, and the other had blond hair and was wearing a wife beater. The sisters stared in confusion.

"You don't remember us?" asked the boy with black hair.

"Because of you, we got in a lot of trouble!" said wife-beater.

Suddenly Andi's expression changed to one of anger. "You're those two boys who flooded the bathroom _and almost killed me."_

"We didn't almost kill you! _YOU _over reacted!"

"Please, there was water everywhere!"

"You just think-"

"Guys, you're causing a scene." A third boy came running up, who Sam recognized as Miles. Andi was too busy glaring at the other two to notice. Miles pushed himself between them, allowing Sam to drag Andi off a little farther so a fight wouldn't break out. It was true; people had begun to watch them warily as their voices rose.

Sam, who had been quietly freaking out about all the people she didn't know (i.e. everyone), approached Miles once she was sure Andi wouldn't jump the other two boys. "Can we sit with you for lunch?" she asked, trying to come off as friendly. She hadn't managed to remove the glare completely though, and she mumbled.

"What?"

"Can we sit with you?" It was apparent she only had two volumes when speaking to new people and, a little frightened of what would happen if he said no, Miles agreed.

This, of course, angered his two friends. "Dude, why would you say yes?" asked wife-beater in a hissed whisper.

"A-a true gentleman d-doesn't refuse the request of a lady," answered Miles, trying to sound dignified. He only sounded scared.

On the move again, the boys led them outside to the commons area. This, too, was gigantic. The two sisters could only wonder who would be rich enough to afford the construction of this place.

Within a few minutes they were sitting at a table near the outer edges of the commons. It was awkward as Andi and the two boys glared at each other and both Sam and Miles kept silent.

"Hey guys!" Five heads snapped in the direction of Rose who was pulling Laura along behind her. "Good thing I found you." She plopped herself down next to Sam and poor Laura was pulled down right beside her. The rest of the table stared as Laura started quivering with fear and Rose stroked her arm slowly.

"Um, yeah Miles was nice enough to let us sit with them," Andi said, still shooting a few glares.

"Well that's nice..." She smiled politely and watched as the rest of the table just sat in an awkward silence, now for more than one reason. Finally she spoke up again: "Well, this isn't much of a lunch. You should all come hang out with me and my friends. Me and Laura were looking for you two so we could bring you over," she added looking back at Andi and Sam. Without waiting for an answer she stood up and kidnapped Laura once again as she walked off toward the other side of the commons.

Not willing to lose her sister again, Sam jumped up, snatched up her lunch box and booksack, and gave chase. Andi did the same, pausing only long enough to say to the boys, "If you want to come you better hurry," and went off after them. The three boys sat in a shocked silence before they, too, picked up their stuff and followed.

The five found themselves coming to a stop at a small group, who sat on the concrete near one of the many poles. Rose beamed at them when she saw them approach and pulled Sam down to sit by her. Andi and the boys followed suit.  
"I'm so glad you decided to come," Rose said, resting her head on Laura's shoulder. "I guess I should introduce you." She lazily raised her hand and began pointing out the kids in the small group. First was a girl with long blond hair who was reading a book. "That's Jordyn, one of my best friends." Her finger moved to a pair who both had Game Boy Colors out that were connected to each other by a cable. "The girl is Reagan... If she meows at you and goes on a rant about cats, don't worry. That's normal. The boy is Tyler."

"What are they playing?" asked Sam, suddenly not shy now that video games were involved.  
"Pokémon Crystal. I haven't seen them without their Game Boys out for days." Rose shook her head in amusement and moved to the next person. "The tall kid is Spencer. He's too smart for his own good. And the girl talking to him is Adrianne. She's a Jesus freak and a closet racist."

She let her hand return and continue its assault of Laura's arm. "So, who are the boys?"  
The three boys looked over in mild fright, afraid of the girl. "I'm Miles," ventured Miles, since the other two seemed incapable of speech. "This is Phoenix and Larry."  
"Nice to meet you..." She fell silent, looking them over. The three shivered as the creepiness washed over them. "I've never seen you around before," Rose said after a moment. "You must not be in our grade."

"We're new here," answered Phoenix.

"And we're in the 7th grade," butted in Larry, making sure everyone knew what grade they were in.

"Oh really? We've never had... upper classmen hang out with us before."

"What? What grade are you guys in?"

"We're all in 6th grade," said Rose breezily.

"Hey, did Dad fix our lunches this morning?" Sam's voice suddenly rose, breaking off the other conversation. She was staring into her lunchbox but not taking anything out.

"Yeah, I think so," Andi replied. They glanced at each other and grimaced, pushing the boxes away. Suddenly, they weren't very hungry anymore.

Laura quietly opened her book sack, somehow maneuvering her arms out of Rose's grasp as she rummaged around for a bit, presumably for her own lunchbox. Instead, she pulled out a small, metallic cube, which made everyone look up in mild confusion. She placed it on the ground in the middle of their circle and pressed in one of the many rectangles that seemed to make up the cube. With a small shudder, it unfolded and refolded itself over and over until what looked like some kind of espresso maker was sitting before them. Everyone stared in shock. The patty that made up Larry's sandwich slipped out from between the buns as he held it suspended in between his mouth and the tray. "What do you want?" she asked.

"Wha- Where did you get that?" asked Andi, still staring at the... thing.

"Get? I made this. What do you think I do at night?"

Everyone's attention shifted from staring at the thing with knitted eyebrows to looking at Laura with knitted eyebrows. She just looked around the group like nothing was up. "So? What do you want?"

There was another pause. Finally, Sam said hesitantly, "A Sprite?" A light flashed on the machine, and in the area where the coffee cup usually would be, was a can of Sprite. With everyone watching her expectantly, Sam took it, opened it and took a sip. "It's a Sprite," she said in confirmation, making everyone spin around to stare at Laura again.

"Amazing." Everyone then began to tell the machine what they wanted, which was given without incident.

Andi scooted over to Laura. "You wouldn't happen to be carrying anything else on you, would you?" she asked, holding out her hand. Laura pouted, but reached into her pockets and piled various items; a clay-like substance, some small tools, a box of matches, what appeared to be a small stick of dynamite-

"Jesus!" Andi started, letting all the items fall out her hand. Laura reached out with her own with lightning speed, catching the clay.

"Careful, this is that variant of C-4 I used the other day."

"You carry that stuff with you? _In your pocket?_"

"Yeah."

Andi left her to that, going back to her place and allowing Rose to continue making Laura feel incredibly uncomfortable.

It wasn't long before something happened. And not just anything. The sort of something that could only happen to anyone related to Solid Snake. The only warning was a large creaking noise like the sound of a huge bulldozer, and then a giant robot foot crushed the concrete on the other side of the commons area. The giant robot foot happened to belong to an even larger robot dinosaur looking machine that proceeded to let out a screeching roar of some sort. Kids started screaming and running of course while Andi, Sam, Laura, and the rest of them stared on in amazement. That is until the three girls suddenly had looks of recognition flash on their faces and exclaimed, "METAL GEEEEAARR!" simultaneously.

Laura started to hurriedly pick up the stuff that she had emptied from her pockets while Sam whipped out her Mk. 17 and Andi pulled her laptop from her backpack. Their new friends weren't quite so prepared and decided hiding behind one of the pillars would be a much safer option.

"What the crap is going on?" Sam yelled as she fired at the robot, attempting to keep it from smushing too many children.

"A freaking metal gear is attacking us!" Laura supplied helpfully as she lobbed a grenade she somehow hid at the thing.

"I meant why is it attacking us right here and right now!"

"There's absolutely nothing about a metal gear being operational and in the hands of anyone who'd want to attack a school or us!" Andi was frantically typing away on her laptop. Sam grunted as she rolled out of the way of the robots foot and fired a few more shots.

"That doesn't help at all," she yelled, "just work on killing it!" The metal gear screeched again and knocked over a pillar.

"Chaff grenades! Throw chaff grenades!" Andi screamed.

Laura started rifling through her bag, searching for them. Sam continued to keep the robot distracted until she had thrown a chaff grenade and the metal gear proceeded to stumble as if it was intoxicated.

"What now? Bullets barely have an effect on this thing!"

"Missiles, we need missiles!"

"Where are you getting this information?" Sam asked incredulously.

"Wikipedia," Andi replied.

"There's a wiki page on how to defeat a metal gear?"

"Um...yes..." Andi blinked, as if it should have been obvious.

"Okay...I don't think we have any missile launchers though. Any alternatives?" The chaff grenade's effects were wearing off. Andi scrolled through the page.

"I can't find anything!"

"Hurry up!" Laura was trying to find another chaff grenade.

"It's coming at us!"

"I need more time! There's nothing here!"

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," said the Metal Gear.

"!" They all screamed as the robot ran at them as if to crush them. There was nothing they could do but scramble to get away.

Unfortunately, they weren't quick enough.

Fortunately, the robot stopped just before squishing them and the cockpit opened to reveal Snake looking pissed.

"What the hell is wrong with you guys?"

"US?" they screamed.

"You're the one who attacked a school with a giant robot!"

"I got permission first."

"Where did you even get that thing?"

"I found it out back Ocelot's house."

"Mr. Plisken!" Samus came storming out to the scene, seething in anger. "I did not give you permission to give your children weapons, and destroy half the school! Do you know how-"

"Hey, wanna take a ride on my 'Metal Gear'?" asked Snake with that 'I'm so sexy' smirk he abused.

Samus opened and closed her mouth a few times before simply stating, "Okay," at which point she climbed into the cockpit with Snake. They then abandoned the three children as if nothing had just happened.

The girls stood and watched as the robot stomped off and out of sight. Kids were slowly emerging from their various hiding places. "Wha- What just happened?" The group that they had been sitting with earlier was slowly reassembling itself. None of them looked hurt, but they all did look really scared. Phoenix was the only one who would speak up.

"Our dad just freaking attacked the school!" screamed Andi, kicking a rock and knocking out a kid on the other side of the commons. That seemed to get rid of all her frustration though and she went about checking her friends to make sure they weren't seriously injured.

"Oh Laura, you were soo brave~" Rose latched onto Laura's arm, stroking it lovingly. The youngest sister looked ready to burst into tears again.

"Why did your dad attack the school?" Tyler asked.

"Another one of his stupid ideas at a training exercise." Sam was putting away her gun after careful inspection.

"Okay, I don't think anyone is too badly injured. Though you might want to get that checked out Adrienne." She was sporting a huge welt on her arm that looked pretty nasty.

"You realize you need to go to the office and tell them what happened," said Miles, trying to fix his suite. When his mother saw all this dirt, she was going to kill him.

"Why? The principal is obviously pretty tight with Dad, I doubt we'll get in trouble," Sam said. "Plus, it's a private school, so it's not like the government can get involved and make us do anything."

Miles stared at her for a moment. "Who brought the government into this?"

"DAD SAYS BLAME IT ON EITHER THE RUSSIANS OR THE GOVERNMENT. CHANCES ARE IT WAS BOTH OF THEM ANYWAY."

"What? That's absolutely absurd!"

"Don't even try arguing with her." Andi popped up next to the 7th grader. "She doesn't make any sense. You won't win." She paused, and then whispered, "_But she's right. It was the Russians_."

"You're all crazy." Phoenix sighed. "Please explain _why_ your dad decided it would be a good idea to attack a school."

"We already told you. It was a training exercise."

"But why does he feel the need to train you?"

"So that when we see a giant robot, we can kill it." Sam said. They all gave her blank stares.

"How many times do giant robots attack you?" Spencer inquired.

"Obviously more than you would think, yes?" said Laura.

"Actually, that was the first time," Andi countered. "Dad had mentioned them, but..."

At that point the bell rang that signaled the end of lunch and the beginning of next period. Despite having a million more questions, the girls' new friends were forced to quickly gather their belongings and rush off to their next class.

"What class do you have next?" asked Rose when it was only her, the three sisters, and the three boys left. Andi pulled out her schedule and said it was gym. Rose beamed happily, but it just made everyone else shiver. "Oh cool, I have that too. I'll show you there~" She started off, hauling Laura along.

Sam and Andi quickly got their bags and ran after them when they realized the three boys were following them. Andi glared, but Miles said, "We have gym too. You're going to have to deal with it," he added, addressing her and his two friends. Phoenix and Larry grumbled but kept quiet.

Later, when the last bell had rung, the girls were directed to the front of the school, which was where they were going to have to be dropped off and picked up at so as to not block traffic again. As they climbed into the Hummer, Snake asked pleasantly, "Soo, how was your first day?"

They stared at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding?"

"I don't kid." His almost-maybe-a-smile smile faded away back to his all-purpose scowl. "So, make any new friends?"

The girls dropped the entire Metal Gear issue, knowing they weren't going to get anywhere. "Yeah. Those three boys from when we came here before," said Andi. "And we met this creepy girl who pretty much raped Laura all day. And we met her friends, who all seemed okay."

"Well that's nice."

"Dad, why didn't I get anything this morning?" asked Laura, who was playing with the box of matches she had in her pocket.

"Because I know you carry stuff with you all the time," came a growled answer, as if Snake didn't like it very much. Which he didn't. He also didn't like her playing with those matches, which he was sure she had stolen out the car. Andi quietly snatched them away while Sam went about examining her gun again, ignoring everything else.

Ocelot strolled outside to the back of his house to where his little garden was. He had a watering can, and was wearing gardening gloves, a gardening apron, and one of those bandannas women wore when working. He was humming a pleasant tune when he realized, with a jolt, that his Metal Gear was not how he had left it. In fact, its cockpit was open, and there were bullet and explosive marks on it.

Dropping his watering can, he sprinted over and climbed up. Being the creepy person he is, he sniffed around before announcing to no one in particular, "Snake's been here." Giddy with his discovery, he ran in his house where he locked himself in his shrine room to do whatever strange things he liked to do when anything Snake related came up.

* * *

This is going to be the last chapter where we focus on our younger selves… Andi wants to get to our current age, so we'll be doing major events (holidays, birthdays) and then begin telling from our current ages (17 and 16, as opposed to 12 and 11)(…If you want to see a sneak peek of us at those ages, check out our other fic. Star Trek, yeah!), with the few short stories in between as the ideas come to us (you guys feel free to suggest something). Plus we needed a good way to introduce our friends.

I wish I was making any of this up when it comes to my friends. Seriously.


	5. First Halloween

'Family' isn't a word you would generally associate with me. I mean, once you kill your father and brother, and add the fact you never knew your mother... Well, family isn't a word you bring up. I never really wanted a family either; I was a loner, and that was how I liked it.

Even when I adopted my three girls, I never expected us to be like a typical family. And yet it slowly dawned on me that I was in a better mood than I have ever been. It was the little things that made me realize this, little things I had always found annoying until now.

It was late October. I was sitting in my Lay-Z-Boy reading the paper when I heard the patter of feet on the floor. I looked over the paper to see the girls standing there, staring at me. "What?"

"It's almost Halloween," said Andi, like it answered my question.

"And?"

"AND we need to go buy costumes to go trick-or-treating."

I looked at my watch, which displayed the date along with the time. October 28th. Damn, I couldn't use the time factor to get out of this. So instead I raised my paper again and said, "I don't do Halloween."

"Because you never had a reason to before!" They surrounded the chair, making it impossible for me to keep reading. I put the paper down and looked around the group. I couldn't help but notice the little signs that they were growing up; Laura was taller, and Andi had lost most of the baby fat she had had when I brought her home in early August. Sam, who had already been through most of that, was starting to go through the social problems of puberty: being concerned with what other people thought of her, and wanting to fit in. She rarely smiled anymore since getting braces in September, and she had highlighted her dark hair with bright blond streaks. I hated that (it made her too obvious), but Otacon managed to talk me into it ("Let her go through her phase now, you won't have to deal with it when she's older.")

Which all made me bring up another point: "Aren't you guys a little too old to go trick-or-treating?"

They all raised an eyebrow and looked at me as if asking if I was joking. "Please. You're never too old to go trick-or-treating."

"I don't know about that-"

"We need to go costume shopping!"

I sighed. I obviously wasn't going to win this one. "Okay, fine," I caved, pushing myself out of the chair and throwing the paper onto the coffee table. "What do you want to go as?"

"Spider-Man!" Andi didn't even hesitate to think about her choice.

"You can't go as Spider-Man!" said Sam. "You're a girl!"

"Fine! I wanna go as Spider-Girl!"

"Okay..." I turned my attention to the other two girls. "And what about you two?"

"We wanna go as gangsters," answered Laura. Since starting school, she had been getting more open.

I raised an eyebrow. "You want to go... as gangsters. Like, Mafia or what?"

"Like the kind in the ghettos."

"And we need to buy Sweetarts," added Sam, "so we can crush them into powder and go up to kids to try and sell it."

I stared at them for a long moment in disbelief before finally managing to say, "That's brilliant."

"I know right?" She grinned mischievously. "So we need to go shopping. Like, right now."

"Hey now. While I think that's a brilliant idea, I can't let you do it." The smile vanished from her face and was replaced with a glare. I felt a little fearful for my life. "But I will take you shopping. Any other ideas?"

"Why don't we all go as super heroes?" asked Andi, turning to the other two. "We could all match!"

"They better have a girl version of Wolverine!" They turned to Laura. "Who are you going as?"

"I don't know," answered Laura shyly.

"Just go as your favorite hero, as long as it's not a DC character," said Andi, like it was a very simple concept. Which I guess it was.

Laura averted her gaze. "I don't have a favorite super hero."

There was an uncomfortable silence for a minute or so as we stared at her. Finally, Sam said what was on every one's mind: "What? _Everyone _has a favorite super hero!"

"Well, not me." We continued to stare until she added, "I'm not that into super heroes!" like it was a legitimate excuse.

"Fine, go as your favorite villain."

"I don't have one of those either."

"_Are you kidding me._"

"How can you not have a favorite hero OR villain?" demanded Andi, who seemed to be getting highly offended.

"Not everyone has a favorite! I bet Dad doesn't-"

"Captain America." They stopped arguing and looked at me in mild surprise. "My favorite hero is Captain America," I repeated.

"...How did we not see that coming."

"I think Dad should dress up as Captain America with us," Andi suggested with a quirky smile.

"Yeah, how about no," I said quickly, heading for the kitchen. I put my coffee cup in the sink and took a look out the window. The sun was starting to set. Behind me, the girls were trying to figure out what hero Laura could be. It was going absolutely nowhere very fast. I scanned the neighborhood, taking greater note of the houses/forts that lined the street than I ever had before. This was not a place for bringing children trick-or-treating. Plus, I knew Ocelot would be out prowling around (a scary mental image that I quickly locked in my mental vault of things that should never be pondered).

Grimacing at the thought, I took my keys from their place on the wall and herded the still arguing girls to the Hummer. As I backed out, I pressed my fingers against my neck to activate my Codec. Otacon answered immediately.

"Dave! What do you need? And can't you get a phone?"

"The girls are making me bring them trick-or-treating," I explained, ignoring his comment. "But I don't know where any costume stores are."

"I got you." I could hear the clicking of keys on a keyboard. "I'll send the location of a good store to your map. Just let me-"

"_HAL I HATE YOU._"

"_NOW'S NOT A GOOD TIME!"_

"_GOD YOU SUCK AS A BROTHER."_

"Err..." I disconnected as soon as there was a _bing_ on my map. Whoever that voice belonged to, I didn't want to have to be dragged into it. Pin-pointing the location, I threw the Hummer around various corners and over random ramps. The girls screamed in excitement each time. I went weaving through various roads and buildings before whipping into three different parking places at the Halloween store Otacon had sent me to.

The girls spilled out the car and started running at the doors, pushing each other around to see who could get there first. I was not as eager, so I didn't walk in until a minute or so after they did.

First, I made sure nothing had been blown up or something by taking a quick look around. I had lectured the girls that they can't repeat their Bed, Bath & Beyond incident and so far it seemed to have been effective. Satisfied that no one was dead and no money had been stolen, I drifted toward their voices. They were the loudest ones there.

Andi was clutching a Spider Girl costume to her chest protectively while Sam and Laura seemed to be arguing over who Laura should go as.

"Just go as Super Girl."

"No! It's so clichéd."

"Plus DC."

"Shut up, Andi."

"Well you won't go as anyone else either!" I could almost see the frustration pouring off of Sam in the form of a dark aura. This would not end well.

Quickly, I grabbed a random costume off its hook and tossed it at Sam. Her arm shot out and snatched it out the air, even as she continued to watch Laura. It was only after the costume was close to her body did she look at it and squeal happily. "Yay female Wolverine costume!" She pranced off to Andi where they began to compare. I was getting really annoyed with all these mood swings.

I turned my attention back to Laura. "Who do you want to go as."

"I don't know," she answered for about the tenth time. "I don't have a favorite."

I looked back at the options. "How about this." I offered her a Harley Quinn costume. She frowned a little, turning it over a few times.

"Yeah I guess-"  
"NO!" We turned around to see Sam and Andi eyeing the costume cautiously. "Clowns are scary!"

"Well it _is _Halloween..."

"We don't care!"

"That's not fair!" At this point I was about ready to shoot myself in the face, but luckily Laura caught my arm before I could reach my Socom. "I want this one. I don't care what they say." I shot a nasty look at the other two girls as they began to whine, which quickly shut them up, and led them to the counter. I was honestly shocked at how smoothly this went.

The next couple of days there was an excited tension in the air. The girls would put on their costumes and run around the house playing, often Andi and Sam trying to catch Laura and put her in jail. Most of the time I was in my study working - Otacon and I were on the trail of a new Metal Gear - and I would hear their playful shouts. It surprised me when I would be scribbling notes, and I would realize I was smiling. It was strange. Generally, I found children highly annoying. And yet here I was, losing focus on my work just so I could hear their laughter.

* * *

I remember, on the 30th, Laura snuck up behind me as I was sitting at the kitchen table going over some documents and grabbed my arm, laughing manically. She was lucky I could hear her bells jingling as she approached or I would have flipped her onto the table (although it wouldn't have been the first time one of them caught me by surprise). "The mayor of Gotham is now my hostage!" she shrieked as Andi and Sam came running in.

"Way to act only when Batman is out of commission!" Andi said, striking a heroic pose.

"Do you know why he's out?" Laura asked, smiling when the others didn't give an answer. "I killed him, that's why!"

"YOU FIEND!"

"You'll pay for murdering him!"

She laughed again and tugged my arm. Much to my surprise, I left the papers on the table and ran behind her as she dashed outside into the yard, pulling me along. Suddenly Laura was tackled to the ground, buried under the shouting form of Andi.

"Mr. Mayor! Thank goodness you're safe!" said Sam. "Don't worry; we'll have this villain in jail in no time."

"I'm afraid that won't be happening, Wolverine," I was shocked to hear myself say. I grabbed her arm gently but firmly, something I had never done before, so she wouldn't be able to run off. "For I am not the Mayor, I am actually Baron Zemo II! With two hostages, Captain America will be forced to reveal himself, and then I can finally destroy him!"

The girls appeared just as shocked as I was that I was actually playing along. Laura managed to snap out of it fast enough to push Andi off of her and hold her arms. "Took you long enough Baron," she said, slipping back into character. "I was worried."

"Let's get them tied up inside."

"Not if I can do anything about it!" Andi stomped on Laura's foot, causing her to loosen her grip and giving Andi room to pull her arms free. She pointed one hand at me and next thing I knew, I had a web being shot into my face. I wasn't expecting it - the costume hadn't come with a web shooter- so of course I stumbled back in surprise. Sam jumped away and then at me just as I pulled the silly string like web off, raking her foam claws at my face. I toppled over and she stood victoriously over me. Andi and Laura sparred a few feet away with Laura ultimately being thrown down next to me.

"Noo! Mr. J is gonna be so upset!" she pouted. I couldn't keep a straight face any more and chuckled, and was soon joined by the girls.

* * *

It took me a little while, but I finally identified that uneasy feeling that was brewing in my stomach. I was nervous and afraid. It was another shock; I hadn't been apprehensive or scared since I was a child. Those feelings were beat out of me by Big Boss.

After our game we went inside to eat supper. It was there, after the comments of me joining their play, that they asked where they would be trick-or-treating. I hadn't thought about it, and now we were about 24 hours away from Halloween. "...It's a surprise," I told them lamely, but they seemed to believe me and went on with their own conversations.

Now that I was lying in bed, with nothing to divert my attention, I couldn't help but have thoughts about the next day. And I couldn't believe I was nervous that I would disappoint the girls, and scared they would not have fun.

I activated the Codec, not really expecting Otacon to answer. But of course he did: "Dave? What is it?"

"Nothing very im- wait, why are you up this late?" It would be one thing if he sounded tired, like I had woke him up, but he sounded like he had been awake for quite a while.

"Why are you calling me this late?" he shot back.

"Never mind. Look, the girls are really excited about tomorrow and I don't have a place to bring them trick-or-treating."

"It's a bit late for that, don't you think?" I grumbled a response. "Anyway, you should come to my neighborhood! The kids here always have a lot of fun, and the street isn't lined with forts like yours is."

"Yeah I guess..."

"Yay! I'll cook dinner and everything. Come by right after they get home from school. Oh this'll be so much fun!"

I cut communications before he could go on a tangent and rolled around for a little while. I didn't get much sleep that night.

* * *

Those eight hours the girls were at school had to be the most stressful in my life. I couldn't focus on anything, and I swear time kept jumping around on me. At times it seemed to be dragging on forever, and the next second it was flying by like a hare on crack. Luckily when I went to pick the girls up, they didn't seem to notice my nervousness and told me about their day, as per usual.

I told them to put their things in their room and get their costumes, because we were going to Otacon's for dinner and to trick-or-treat in his neighborhood. They squealed happily and managed to get back in the Hummer within moments. I was still amazed with how they did that.

The ride to Otacon's house was mostly silent except for the excited giggles and whispering among the three girls. I glanced back at them, glad that they seemed so thrilled. When we got there, they bolted out the car and started hammering on the door of Otacon's house, yelling for him to open up. I was amazed I could hear all this over the barking of some one's dog.

When he finally did, Sam and Laura sprinted inside while Andi hugged Otacon as tight as she could. "Yay! Thanks Otacon! This is gonna be awesome!" With that she too ran inside, her voice joining the other two. Otacon smiled after her, and then at me. When he moved forward to give me what I presumed would be a hug, I punched him roughly in the shoulder to steer him off course.

"Glad to see someone is excited to see me," he grumbled as he led me inside, rubbing his shoulder like a pansy.

It was just getting past seven when we went into the kitchen for supper. The girls had been talking nonstop to Otacon about their costumes and how excited they were, with a few stories about school and such thrown in. The conversation stopped, though, when we saw the food he had prepared.

There was one pot on the table that was filled with meat and vegetables of various kinds. Smaller bowls of some kind of sauce was around the table where we would sit. The plates he had put out didn't seem big enough for us to scoop out our own servings.

"What is that?" asked Sam, who was looking hesitant. I had noticed that she was the pickiest in her eating habits, often not wanting to try new things.  
"Beef sukiyaki. It's a popular dish in Japan," Otacon said, urging us to sit. We did, staring at the one empty seat.  
"Who else is supposed to be-"

A girl walked in then, cutting Andi off. She eyed us cautiously, pushing her glasses back up. She looked like a younger, female version of Otacon, causing me and the girls to look back and forth between the two in shock.  
"This is my sister, Emma," Otacon said, attempting to smile.  
"I WISH YOU WERE DEAD," Emma replied, sitting at her place at the table.

"How do we eat this?" inquired Laura, as she fumbled with the chop sticks provided. We were going to have to use forks.

"Simple. You take the meat from the pot," Otacon said, demonstrating each movement, "and then you dip it in this sauce. And then you eat it." Everyone, besides me, followed suit. While Andi and Laura did without any problem, Sam did with a disgusted look. I was pretty sure she might have had a small case of germaphobia, so eating out of the same pot was not working for her well.

However, she seemed to get over it and began eating with everyone else, commenting on how good it was. It was then that they noticed I had not moved and stared at me. "Why aren't you eating?" Otacon asked. "I put a lot of work into this," he whined. God.

"I don't eat foreign food," I said gruffly. "The only foreign I eat is my enemies."

"_Fine._ I'll heat you something up."

"No no, I got this." I got up and, taking just a fork, walked back out the house. I won't go into too much detail, but I will say Otacon won't be hearing from his Russian neighbor anymore.

When I returned it was starting to get dark. The girls had donned their costumes and were standing around, practically shivering with excitement.

"Dad! Check this out!" Sam ran forward and raised her arm so I could see. Before I could ask where her foam claws had gone, real metal ones shot out with a clean _shink. _"Cool huh?"

"Where did you get that?" I demanded, very clearly remembering that the costume had not come with those.

She rolled her eyes, looking at me like I was an idiot. "What do you think Laura does at night?"

I started to reply but something obnoxiously yellow rounded the corner. It felt like the brightness seared my retinas beyond repair. After the spots cleared from my vision I saw it was Otacon. He had long yellow and black-tipped ears on his head, a yellow t-shirt and yellow pants, a yellow lightning-bolt shaped tail, and his cheeks were painted with red circles. "What the hell are you wearing?"

"I'm obviously a Pikachu," he answered, giving me the same look Sam had moments ago. Then Emma walked out in a similar outfit to Otacon, only her ears were more triangular and her cheeks were pink. Catching my puzzled look, Otacon added, "She's a Pichu."

"I HOPE YOUR CANDY GETS POISONED."

"Well, it's almost time to start. I'm just going to get some candy ready." With that, Otacon pranced off to the kitchen, leaving me alone with four girls.

I coughed lightly to break the uncomfortable silence that was building. Much to my surprise, it didn't work. I looked over to Emma, who appeared to have loosened up a lot now that her brother was not in the room. "So, what's up between you and your brother?" asked Laura. Good thing too, because none of us really wanted to ask.

Emma looked at Laura like she was a little surprised she had asked, and then looked away and held her arms around her chest shyly. "I almost drowned when I was little," she said quietly. "And Hal didn't save me."

We all stood there in silence, unable to believe Otacon wouldn't even attempt to save his baby sister. By the way Emma had said it we knew there was more to the story, but Otacon returned then with bags for the girls to use to collect their candy, and a large bowl of the stuff for Emma. Apparently she would be staying behind to hand out the candy to the neighborhood kids.

"Okay, we're all set. Let's go!" And with that Otacon led the way out of his house looking much too excited. The girls and I trailed after him. Before we could decide which way to proceed first, Andi broke out into a run across the yard to the neighbor's house and Sam and Laura hurried after her. Thankfully it was not the property of the Russian dude; that would've been awkward to explain to Otacon why his neighbor was missing.

While Otacon rushed to the various houses with them, I stood in the road at the edge of the driveways watching all the other families. I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if the girls were actually _mine, _or if I had gotten them at a younger age.

I felt a tug on my shirt sleeve and looked to see a teenager (?) dressed as that gay sparkly 'vampire' from those Twilight books the girls had been reading. I had the sudden urge to snap some one's neck. "Hey, why are you standing in the road like a creeper?"

"Why isn't your mom hotter?"

"I don't have a mom."

"Wanna learn how to snap a man's neck?"

"Sure!"

"Come with me."

It was easy enough to find another Russian (for whatever reason) and it was a quick demonstration. The kid picked up on it quicker than I had thought he/she would, like he/she had done it before or something. But by the way he/she was acting, it seemed like it was his/her first time. He/she excitedly ran off and to who I assumed was his/her father. He was too far away for me to see properly, but he appeared to be an older gentleman dressed as Doc Oc from Spider Man.

I quickly found Otacon and the girls, who appeared to have hit every house they had been to hard. They waddled up to me, their heavy bags weighing them down. "Look at all the candy!" Andi gushed as she slipped the bag's handles over her arm and ran her fingers through her treasure. Laura was already stuffing her face while Sam picked through her candy with a disgruntled look on her face.

"I think we should head back to my place," Otacon said, shifting his own bag around. The girls all groaned and ran off to some other house. Sam grabbed my hand and dragged me with them, shrieking their giggles as Otacon was left in their dust.

"Okay Dad," Andi said as we walked up another driveway. "What do we say when the person opens the door?"

"...Give us the candy or else?" I asked slowly, knowing I probably had the wrong answer.

"...No..."  
"Oh, I know. First you flash a gun, then you demand the candy."

"Oh my God." She motioned for me to stay behind them as Sam rang the door bell. The door opened and Andi and Laura sang, "Trick or treat!"

An elderly man in a lab coat stood in the door with a bowl of candy. "Oh my what a nice bunch of kids we have here," he said, eyeing the girls. "I'm sure you're ready to continue your trek! But first, are you a boy, or a girl?"

"Can we just have the candy?" growled Sam. She shifted her hand by her waist and I saw a gun hanging there. It looked like she was about to do my version of trick or treating.

"A boy, I see." He held out the bowl which held three types of candy. "Go ahead, pick whichever one you want!" The girls eyed him warily but each reached in and took one of the candies, which were wrapped in either a green, blue or red wrapper. As they did so, the man called over his shoulder, "Douchebag! Come and meet these fine young lads!"  
"For the last time, my name is GREEN," came a yelled reply from somewhere in the house. "Red just told you that so you would inadvertently insult me every time you talked to me!"

The girls hastily said thanks and ran off, dragging me along with them.

"Well, that was weird," commented Andi as she looked over the blue brand-less candy.

"You don't think his name was really Douchebag, do you?" asked Laura, looking at her green candy.

"Doubt it," said Sam, who had gone for the red. "He was obviously senile."

"Do you want any?" A bag was suddenly thrust in my face by Laura. She had sidled up to me without a sound, something I didn't expect from her. She always seemed to be surrounded by explosions.

"Eh... not right now..."

Sam snatched my hand. "Look out, Otacon's coming!" I was a little more nervous about those claws shooting out and through my hand than Otacon running at us. Giggling, the girls jogged down the street, dodging behind people and garbage cans.

"Guys, this isn't funny!" cried Otacon, which only made them giggle more.

"How many more houses are there to go to?" I managed to ask over their laughter.

"We should be almost done," Andi said matter-of-factly. "If my calculations were correct, we need to go to five more houses to have candy for a year, assuming we eat it at a constant rate and _not all at once_." Here she shot a look at Laura, who promptly stopped eating. After she let the look linger for a moment, making sure Laura wouldn't start eating again, she led the group up the walk to the next house.

Their voices drifted down the walk just as Otacon came panting up, nearly collapsing next to me. "Please," I grunted. "Try doing what I do every day. Then you would have an excuse to be that tired."

"Not everyone can do what you can, Dave," Otacon shot back, apparently frustrated. "Why did you and them run off like that and leave me alone?"

"Hey, they dragged me along unwillingly."

"You could have stopped them!"

"I can only do so much. Who do you think I am, their father?"

"Yes!"

"Oh, right." I looked back over; the girls were running across lawns to reach new houses. I was pretty sure that wasn't allowed, but I didn't really care enough to stop them. I walked along the side of the road to follow them at a reasonable distance, Otacon beside me.

"So, do you like having them?" he asked after we walked in silence for a while.

"...I guess you could say that..."

"Huh. You're capable of love." He grinned sarcastically, laughing.

I punched him in the face in response.

"Ow! Stop it!"

"I'll stop it when you stop it."

"...That doesn't make any sense-"

"You two argue like an old married couple," Andi said as the trio came running back. I grunted while Otacon, who was covering his (presumably bleeding) nose, blushed. "Anyway, we got the rest of the candy. Excluding Laura, we should have enough to last us until next Halloween."

"No promises on that," Sam added, eating a piece from her bag.

"I guess we should head back now. I need to dress my wound," Otacon mumbled. He told Andi to hurry with him (as she was being trained by him to be a sort of medic) and they scurried off, me and the other two girls bringing up the rear.

They chatted excitedly and poked fun at Andi for being so uptight about their candy intake the whole time, finally falling quiet as we approached the house. They gladly dropped their bags off on the counter and settled down on the couch and began watching TV. Emma came in, saying her brother 'got what he deserved' and was being bandaged up in the bathroom. She then went into the kitchen and started putting up her spare candy.

I crashed on the couch with the two girls, who were watching SpongeBob, and tried not to let the show lower my IQ. It was difficult.

Soon Otacon and Andi came in, with the former having a bunch of tissues stuck up his nose. Sam burst into laughter and was joined in with Laura's giggling fit. I couldn't help but crack a smile as his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Andi, growing annoyed, shot web at the other girls and caused them to fall off the couch screaming in pain.

"Can we just go?" she demanded of me as she adjusted her bag of candy in a manner that suggested she would hit me with it if I didn't comply.

"Fine." I motioned for Sam and Laura to follow; they did so with frowns and grumbles to their sister. Most of the way home they argued about how Andi had shot them in the eyes, in which her reply was always, "Well then you shouldn't have laughed at Otacon." They eventually fell silent and looked to be dozing off.

By the time I pulled into the driveway, Laura was passed out and had managed to somehow sprawl herself out all over her sisters. It took a bit of work, but I soon had her snoring form in my arms and was closing up the Hummer.

"Hey Dad," Sam's voice said from in front of the door, "there's a note on the door."

"Well what does it say?"

"I don't know. It looks like it's written in Russian."

"I'll get to it later." Andi opened the door and went into the kitchen with Sam to pour their candy into bowls. I carried Laura upstairs and threw her in bed; she only snored louder.

I headed back downstairs and told the girls to get to bed; they still had training and school in the morning. I was met with frowns, but they climbed the stairs and I heard the sound of their bedroom door closing.

I went into the kitchen myself, glancing at the note for a moment before turning out the light and heading to my own room. I knew it was from Ocelot. And I was in no rush to read anything from Ocelot. Whatever it was, I determined, as I got into bed, that it could wait.

* * *

_Dear Snake,_

_I'm going to France for a couple of weeks. I can't tell you what for, but please allow Laura to go to my house every few days to make sure everything is in place and that it is tidy. I already asked her if she would do it and she agreed. I DO like having a clean house._  
_TONS OF LOVE XOXOXO_  
_Ocelot _


	6. Family Is Magic Short Story

Hey guys, just a quicky I wrote up for you guys since I don't know how often we'll be able to work on the main story. If you like having short stories like this, mention it. These are a lot easier (and more fun) to write than our long chapters.

Also, these stories could be at any point in time from being adopted to now, so I hope you don't get confused with that.

* * *

Snake opened his eyes to the glare of the sun starting to set through the window, causing him to grunt and close his eyes once more, tightly. Small spots floated there as he heaved his way out of his Lay-Z-Boy; he had never thought he would get one, but he finally broke down not long ago and bought one. Ever since then, he struggled to find good reason to ever leave it.

He shambled into the kitchen and popped his back. Simply put, he had not been aging well. It seemed like there was a new ache or pain every day, and he wasn't even 40 yet. He looked out the window, catching his reflection in the window (which thankfully had no glare). Streaks of grey were starting to taint his brown hair, and faint wrinkles adorned his face.

He blinked again and noticed Andi and Laura out in the yard building Lord-knows-what. Andi was busy connecting wires and typing things into her computer while Laura worked with welding and the continued construction of their... machine, which Snake could only assume would explode at some point.

He glanced around and finally noticed that Sam was not with them. While she wasn't as techno-savvy as the other two sisters, she usually stayed out with them. He peered into the bushes, not surprised he still didn't see her. Her favorite thing to do was snipe, but she didn't do that very often at home.

He turned from the window and looked up the stairs. She was sure to be in her room. Probably playing that World of Warcraft thing she and Laura were always talking about. Sighing, he started the trek up the stairs and down the hall toward the girls' room.

As he approached the door, he heard a faint sing-song, _AhhhahhhhAhhh. _His hand froze at the sound, shocked. There was no way... He continued standing at the door, hand stretched out, straining to hear the rest of the song. _I used to wonder what friendship could be, until you shared its magic with me-_  
"AAAAAH."

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sam screamed as Snake barged in, quickly switching tabs to Facebook as she fumbled to mute the volume. She then swiveled around in her swivel chair, glaring at her father. "Why would you come barging into my room screaming like that?" she demanded dryly, slumping into the chair as though she were the Architect from _The Matrix. _  
"I heard what you were watching." Sam's eyes grew wide in horror at this and she rolled her chair over so he couldn't see the tabs. Snake easily pushed her away, despite her screaming and flailing, and confirmed his suspicions.  
"...Thought so," he said as he saw an episode of _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic _play on YouTube.

Sam diverted her gaze and lowered her head, looking ashamed. All she could do was wait for the lecture to come. _"Samantha Renee... Whatever our last names are-, how dare you watch this show? You are no longer a child; you are 18 years old now. You are a WOMAN, and it's about time you started acting like one. _My Little Pony_ is NOT for women like you, it is for children. I am so disappointed in you, I never expected this-"_

"I'm so... Happy, right now." That snapped Sam out of her imagined lecture and caused her to stare at her father in disbelief. His lips were twitching in an attempted smile.

"Oh my God Dad. Are you... a Brony?" This couldn't possibly be correct. Her dad was the definition of a man. There was a picture of him in the dictionary next to the word. Ponies weren't part of being a man, she wasn't even sure how teenage boys got away with it. It felt like her brain was about to explode from trying to comprehend the situation.

Sam quickly found herself wrapped up in a hug she did not see coming. It was just another surprise to add to the growing list. "I knew there was a reason you were my favorite," Snake said, the tone in his voice sounding like a father who was hugging his college-graduate. "Welcome to the herd."

* * *

It weird, but I can totally see Snake being a Brony... Am I the only one? What would be his favorite pony? I'm thinking Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie.

Also, I am not obsessed with the show, so don't assume I'm one of those crazy fans :I ... _I love Big Macintosh._


	7. Theme Music Short Story

"Uugh..." Snake snatched the binoculars from his eyes as he looked sharply to the right, toward the front of the house; he had been quietly spying on Ocelot since 5 that morning, and it seemed like there had been noises from the drive way since then. He pulled his body back into the house and looked at the clock; it was about 4 PM. Setting his angry face, he marched down the stairs and out the house.  
He found Sam's car there, along with his Hummer and Laura's car, all with their hoods up and driver side doors open. Moving a little to the side, he saw Andi's legs hanging out from the front seat of Sam's car; she appeared to be laying on the seats, hanging down and working on something where the peddles were.

"Just _what _could you possibly be working on?" he demanded; Andi's legs jerked in surprise, and he heard the sound of her slipping off the seats and hitting the floor. "I just had these inspected, in case you forgot," he continued as she slid out the car and sat on the pavement heavily, rubbing her head.

Softly glaring, the middle daughter pushed herself up and sat in the driver's seat. "I was fixing up the cars to play a song every time we got out the car," she explained. "Principle Samus has it happen, and Sam wanted it too, so I thought I'd fix up all the cars." Seeing her father's face not change expression, she swung her feet in and closed the door. She had apparently somehow managed to get Sam's keys, because the car started up. After a few moments, Andi opened the door and got out as one normally would; as the door opened, and beat started playing and Justin Timberlake's voice sang, "_I'm bringin' sexy back/Those other boys they don't know how to act..."  
_  
Snake listened quietly, unsure what to say. He, of course, was not happy with Sam's choice of song, but if he told her to get rid of it, she would surely take it as him telling her she was ugly. But if he didn't, she would think it was weird he let her keep it. He rubbed his temples, unable to figure out the right approach.  
"...And I added a feature to our finger print scanners," Andi was saying excitedly, looking to the glowing blue apparatus. "Since I don't have a car yet, I programmed my song into all the cars so I could have some fun 'til I got one." She pressed her thumb firmly into the gel; it flashed green and _SexyBack_ was abruptly replaced with Flight of the Concords, _Business Time.  
_  
"I approve," Snake said after a moment. It made him want to put on his business socks. He was suddenly hit with a thought and dashed to his Hummer. Turning on the vehicle, he was met with an earful of elevator music. "..._Sea Breeze_?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.  
"I hope you don't mind," Andi said. "I went through your iPod and it was the most played song. By a lot."  
She was afraid that Snake would turn around and be even more angry than usual, but he actually smiled and listened to the song all the way through. "I like this upgrade," he said eventually, climbing out the Hummer. "I have to ask, what song did you put in Laura's car?"

"_Hey Baby._"  
"Isn't that her drag song or something?"*  
"Yeah."  
"Okay then." Giving her a pat on the head, Snake went back inside and continued his spying. He would have to talk to Otacon about what Andi was learning later.

* * *

*- It should be noted this is a running joke between Laura and another one of our friends. She is not actually into drag xD


	8. Dance Dance Revolution Short Story

It was a normal day for the shoppers of The Mall of Louisiana-That's-Situated-In-Florida-So-I-Guess-It's-The-Mall-of-Flo-Rida. There was no sun that day, but thankfully there was an abundance of Armageddon sales. Even though imminent doom was approaching, everyone was fairly calm. That is until a giant robot foot crashed through the ceiling and crushed the fountain. People ran screaming from the destruction. Out of the giant robot emerged three normal looking girls. And a guinea pig.  
"Be home for dinner. And I mean tonight's dinner. I'm making Russian." The man piloting the robot winked twice before taking off.  
"Geez, I can't believe he doesn't trust us anymore," Andi said.  
"Yeah I know," Sam agreed, "You leave the country accidentally ONCE and all of a sudden you can never be trusted again." Laura nodded.  
"Yeah, he should just be happy we made it back." The three girls left the scene of destruction, ignoring the pieces of ceiling that were falling around them.  
There was a single goal filling their minds as they pranced through the mall. They shoved women and children out of their way. There was no time for politeness! It didn't even exist in their collective dictionary. When they finally made it to their destination, they stopped for a moment to admire the outside of the only decent video game store in the The Mall of Louisiana-That's-Situated-In-Florida-So-I-Guess-It's-The-Mall-of-Flo-Rida (A/N: from here on out, I will refer to this as The Mall of Flo-Rida). There were wall scrolls hanging of Pokemon, World of Warcraft, and even Party Babbies! Well, that last one they wanted to burn, but still. The three girls walked into the store. The other patrons noticed them, and quickly left; their reputation for extreme fangirling was well known throughout the mall. When the store had cleared, the clerk sitting behind the counter greeted them.  
"Hey guys! Here to buy something?"  
"No, we have a much more important mission." They set there eyes to the back of the store where the arcade games were kept and went to the Dance Dance Revolution machine. The guinea pig, which had been riding on Sam's shoulder, hopped down and scurried over to stand on the dance pad. Andi walked over to the adjacent one.  
"Okay guys," Sam said, "no foul-play. We don't want another incident." Andi cringed. Sam petted Leon. "Good luck, piggy," she said in a baby voice. There were literally pink hearts coming off of her. They floated, trapped by the ceiling. Out of nowhere, Link appeared, staring forlornly up at them.  
"Hey, Link," the girls greeted. Their friend continued to stare, sighing softly.  
"Here to cheer me on?" Andi inquired while she inserted the tokens and picked a song.

Link grunted.

"TROLOLOLOL YOU'RE SO FUNNY LINK." Andi finally settled on a fast-paced song, hoping to beat Leon's tiny feet with speed.  
And so it began.  
There was no slow build up to the song. Bright lights were flashing and crazy images were flying across the screen (like everything from Japan). The two characters were battling it out on-screen as fiercely as their counterparts. Andi's feet were flying across the arrows, and Leon's body was darting to and fro just as fast. They were hitting each note perfectly, evenly matched. It looked to be a tie until a single misstep sent one of them spiralling into failure. Andi cursed rather loudly as her score fell behind the guinea pig's. Leon seemed to be laughing at her as the song drew to a close. When the score popped up, Andi's character collapsed in a puddle of her own tears. Sam quickly picked up Leon before they could start another of their many physical altercations.

"Well, I kind of thought it was going to end like this," Laura said, "You haven't beat Leon in DDR EVUUUUUUUUUURRR."

"OH MY GLOB, no need to rub it in!" Andi kicked in the screen that was now proudly declaring that Leon had achieved the highest score EVER and stomped away towards the exit. Link gave one last lingering look to the hearts floating near the ceiling before following her out of the store. Laura, Sam and Leon followed.

Meanwhile, behind the counter, Stephen was sighing dejectedly and wondering if this too was coming out of his paycheck.


End file.
